I've recently been inspired to start blogging properly again. :)
GENERAL:
So what's new? Umm... a friend managed to motivate me to go for morning walk/jogs. so i'm up at 5:15am these days. which makes me uber tired during the day but i don't feel guility about not exercising anymore so it's good. and i have random people in cars giving me the thumbs up as i walk. ... i don't know whether that's a positive or worrying point. Uni's been okayy... there's so much work! i spend so much time studying and i'm not even good at it! it's so frustrating... didn't do as well in my anatomy mst as i should've. oh well! just gotta try harder next time. :)
STUFF (a.k.a. the more depressing stuff i usually write about):
well, it's been sometime now that i've just been floating in a state of semi-existence. there but not. amongst others yet invisible at the same time. everyone that you used to call a friend seems so far away and too busy to give you some time... go back two years. everything was so different.
i haven't spoken to most of my closest high school friends for months. and even when you bump into them, they don't really want to talk to you anymore. and you don't want to ask them why. possibly because you don't want to hear what they're going to say. some lame excuse about how they've been too busy, when they've been seeing some of the others. you know.
out of school friends that were so close they felt more like your family than your friends. they don't care anymore. too wrapped up in themselves. i finally see them for what they are: selfish, illogical, mean, mean people. and i was once one of them. it's a scary thought.
but somedays you feel like running back to them. just to belong to something. someone. anyone. and then you remember that you're better than that. that things are this way for the best and life goes on. then why does it hurt when they don't even acknowledge you anymore...?
torn between the depressing truth and the beautiful lies, which do you choose?
i'm sure you're thinking, what about new friends? sure. i have new friends. and they're awesome. fun and all. but they just kind of don't feel the same... i love them and all but i don't think i'm at that stage where i can be completely myself around them yet. i mean, it took me so SO long to even me myself around high school friends...
it's actually quite funny. i think everyone at uni thinks i'm really quiet and reserved. anyone of my friends from times past would say the complete opposite. example: my friend was giving me a lift to a gathering and we almost got in an accident because i was talking so much and he got distracted. that was like, 2 weeks ago. oops. i apologised though!!
i just feel like the whole world's angry with me and i don't know what i can do to make it stop. sometimes i feel like putting my head under a pillow and just screaming till it hurts. emo, yes i know. very. ... but not like EMO emo. just kinda emooo. cough.
but yeah... it's not a pleasant experience. i try to focus my energy on studying instead of thinking about it but i'm not good academically anymore. i don't know what's wrong with me...
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