so, does this make me...

...like you more or less? i spent most of today with you. i wish i could say that i received some sort of encouragement but i'm not quite sure that i did...

the more i learn about this guy, the more i think he's absolutely amazing.

frick.

what do i do!?

sick with curiosity...

... as to, when you're online at the same time as me, who it is you are chatting with. because it's clearly not me. :(

another day has gone...

...and i still haven't started writing up my biotech assignment! it's due on friday!! :(

i caught up with the alternative today. it's strange that the more time i spend with them, the less they seem like the 'alternative'. they make the main one seem less... main. i don't know. i'm very confused at the moment. but it's not like i have to make a decision, right? everything is still in its early stages and it's not like i would jump into deep waters if one of them happened to turn my way. i never have been a person to take risks.

only had two hours of uni today. but i'll have a total of 4 hours with the 'main' tomorrow. sigh.

you have no idea...

...how much i don't want to feel this way.

he seems so very out of reach. why do i persist in these strange feelings? it hurts to see that he just doesn't feel the same way. not even a little bit.

i wish i could pull myself out of this. i know i said that i missed feeling vulnerable, but sometimes the things you miss don't live up to what you remember them to be.

stop being so likeable. i wish you weren't so tall, confident, funny, witty and smart... i wish you didn't read so much and love music with such ardour... i wish you didn't show such goodwill towards other people and sweetness towards your siblings... i wish you never quoted from children's books and never revealed to me that you watch disney cartoons... because it would be a whole lot easier to stop thinking about you like there's any possibility that something could ever happen between us.

it would've made you seem less like what i've always wanted.

we'd look so wrong together, the epitome of an odd couple, but i can't help it...

i guess you're my unicorn.

and why it hurts so much that you don't see me the same way.

100th post! WOW!

i can't believe i'm at my hundredth post! that's rather exciting!! :D i guess all i can say is that i just really love having a small space in this world where i can write freely about how i'm feeling and that someone else might just maybe get something out of it too. :)

drainer of my life.

hi everyone!

i thought i'd just post a short one in lieu of my absence. currently sitting in a pharm lecture that is absolutely pointless with a capital P. i don't even know why i'm here. :(

i just had a week off uni and i have no idea where it went. i just simply accomplished nothing. i feel really terrible about it because my friends seem to have gotten a lot done...

on sunday, nsyag held our first big event which was quite successful. there were some frustrating times but in the end everything worked out well and we had a nice turnout. it was followed by a rather epic BBQ. the downside of this was that i missed JKs 21st... i genuinely felt horrible about it. i pretty much missed his 19th (actually, i literally dropped by for 5 minutes because i was with mn as well as others). what made this worse was that he actually had to drive out to nl on a day he wasn't working to give me the invite. so i planned on being in attendance even if it was late. but then i messaged him (past 9pm) and it didn't really sound like he was keen on me coming so late. sighhh. i just hope he's not upset at me. :(

post again soon! xx

things i've learnt recently:
- i really dig guys that read literature.
- one of gsp's main bjj coaches is a professor in ophthamology. who would've thought? :)

LL#2

"The only way I'd learn to love is if I found it on my own."


Life of Leaving Home - Yellowcard