i have to get back to this.

Sorry it's been so long and I've neglected you.

Once again this has become a place to turn to when there are no willing ears or warm arms to hold me.

My mind is riddled with bullets of insecurity.

what fucking qualification do you have that makes you feel that you can give me advice on how to live my life?

back to just me.

left indie for a year and it's become so beautiful. mainstream music is fun for a dance but it lacks emotion and depth. i really missed discovering some obscure amazing artist/album and just lying on the floor, soaking in the sounds and feeling the music.

i played an indie playlist on the trip home and it really was like a breath of fresh air. 

i felt like me again.

so, here's a link to the tunes that i'm liking at the moment. hopefully i'll be updating it fairly regularly.

2015 PLAYLIST

And mark my words, James Bay will be big one day.

to that kid.

it's been 1.75 years and i still miss you.

i wish you were here to make me laugh and hug me when i feel sad.

you are everywhere and no where at the same time.

if only you were still here.

i hate that you never understood how important you were to everyone.

but i hate most that i didn't try hard enough for you to.



i just really miss you.



  

And with a quivering lip he wound up the whole by adding, "Poor Fanny! she would not have forgotten him so soon!"

   "No," replied Anne, in a low, feeling voice, "that, I can easily believe."

   "It was not in her nature. She doated on him."

   "It would not be the nature of any woman who truly loved."

   Captain Harville smiled, as much as to say, "Do you claim that for your sex?" and she answered the question, smiling also, "Yes. We certainly do not forget you so soon as you forget us. It is, perhaps, our fate rather than our merit. We cannot help ourselves. We live at home, quiet, confined, and our feelings prey upon us. You are forced on exertion. You have always a profession, pursuits, business of some sort or other, to take you back into the world immediately, and continual occupation and change soon weaken impressions."

   "Granting your assertion that the world does all this so soon for men (which, however, I do not think I shall grant), it does not apply to Benwick. He has not been forced upon any exertion. The peace turned him on shore at the very moment, and he has been living with us, in our little family circle, ever since."

   "True," said Anne, "very true; I did not recollect; but what shall we say now, Captain Harville? If the change be not from outward circumstances, it must be from within; it must be nature, man's nature, which has done the business for Captain Benwick."

   "No, no, it is not man's nature. I will not allow it to be more man's nature than woman's to be inconstant and forget those they do love, or have loved. I believe the reverse. I believe in a true analogy between our bodily frames and our mental; and that as our bodies are the strongest, so are our feelings; capable of bearing most rough usage, and riding out the heaviest weather."

   "Your feelings may be the strongest," replied Anne, "but the same spirit of analogy will authorise me to assert that ours are the most tender. Man is more robust than woman, but he is not longer lived; which exactly explains my view of the nature of their attachments. Nay, it would be too hard upon you, if it were otherwise. You have difficulties, and privations, and dangers enough to struggle with. You are always labouring and toiling, exposed to every risk and hardship. Your home, country, friends, all quitted. Neither time, nor health, nor life, to be called your own. It would be too hard, indeed" (with a faltering voice), "if woman's feelings were to be added to all this."

- Persuasion, Jane Austen.

so maybe i'm an emotional sort of person

feeling like a massive girly-girl tonight.

i thought something bad had happened to someone who didn't reply to my text message. they replied and i feel angry and happy at the same time that i'm crying like a dork.

jimmy.

I have this friend that I used to be pretty tight with. I met him and his friends when I was 15, and they had all just graduated from high school. I used to hang out and go to gigs with them a lot despite being a bit younger, so we were all pretty close. He and I haven't really spoken that much in the last few years (nothing to blame but busy schedules and life), but I receive sporadic messages from him every 6 months or so if one of our favourite artists has released a new song/album/comes to town. It's really cool to have a friend that is into the same music that you are.

Anyway, the last time I heard from him was about Andrew McMahon's new album some months ago. I randomly received a message from him just then:

'At jimmy eat world.'
'What.'
'Are you?'
'No! D:  Dammit, I missed them again??'
'I'll call you for this heaven song. If they play it. It's futures 10 year anniversary.'
'Yes please! My faaave!'
'I knew it.'


It's interesting when you realise that some things never change.
Currently feeling really glad that this guy is (was?) a part of my life and for all those times we got together to dance like crazy or to stuff our faces with mexicrinkles.