back to just me.

left indie for a year and it's become so beautiful. mainstream music is fun for a dance but it lacks emotion and depth. i really missed discovering some obscure amazing artist/album and just lying on the floor, soaking in the sounds and feeling the music.

i played an indie playlist on the trip home and it really was like a breath of fresh air. 

i felt like me again.

so, here's a link to the tunes that i'm liking at the moment. hopefully i'll be updating it fairly regularly.

2015 PLAYLIST

And mark my words, James Bay will be big one day.

jimmy.

I have this friend that I used to be pretty tight with. I met him and his friends when I was 15, and they had all just graduated from high school. I used to hang out and go to gigs with them a lot despite being a bit younger, so we were all pretty close. He and I haven't really spoken that much in the last few years (nothing to blame but busy schedules and life), but I receive sporadic messages from him every 6 months or so if one of our favourite artists has released a new song/album/comes to town. It's really cool to have a friend that is into the same music that you are.

Anyway, the last time I heard from him was about Andrew McMahon's new album some months ago. I randomly received a message from him just then:

'At jimmy eat world.'
'What.'
'Are you?'
'No! D:  Dammit, I missed them again??'
'I'll call you for this heaven song. If they play it. It's futures 10 year anniversary.'
'Yes please! My faaave!'
'I knew it.'


It's interesting when you realise that some things never change.
Currently feeling really glad that this guy is (was?) a part of my life and for all those times we got together to dance like crazy or to stuff our faces with mexicrinkles.

boom, daboom, boom...

Boy, you got my heartbeat running away... Beating like a drum and it's coming your way. Can't you feel that boom, badoom, boom, boom, badoom, boom bass?

Shush. I only just discovered this song. Let me have my fun. :)

here, here and here.

The time of my life, a record of myself.
An accurate sketch of perfect health.
Roof on my head, shoes on my feet.
Plenty of room, plenty to eat.

Been very far, made lots of friends.
I love my mother, I hope to see her again.
I'm a wanderer now, sorrow befalls me.
I laugh often so I suppose I'm going to be fine.

Mozart, he said there's nothing to composing.
That's all we do,
We just write and play and write and play and write and...

Here, here and here.
He pointed to his heart and mind and ears.
He said here, here and here.
He pointed to his heart and mind and ears.

- Here, Here and Here; Meg and Dia

junk of the heart

junk of the heart is junk of my mind.
so hard to leave you all alone.
we get so drunk that we can hardly see,
what use is that to you or me?

see, i notice that nothing makes you shatter.
you're a lover of the wild and a joker of the heart.
but are you mine?

i want to make you happy.
i want to make you feel alive.
let me make you happy.

dammit.

ah, blink 182. up all night is so very awesome. i had the guitar riff in my head alll morning... :D

anyways, nothing special to update you guys with today... although i have been finding the former alternative all pretty again because he's starting to bulk up. yes, i'm fickle like that.

i hope you're all well! xx

time bomb.

Got my heart in your hands, like a time bomb ticking.
It goes off, we start again.
When it breaks, we'll fix it.


It was like a time bomb set into motion,
We knew that we were destined to explode,
And if I had to pull you out of the wreckage,
You know I'm never going to let you let me go.

Time Bomb - All Time Low

*cue new wave of obsession over Alex Gaskarth*

xx

le destin se

On me dit que le destin se moque bien de nous
Qu'il ne nous donne rien et nous promet tout
Parais qu'le bonheur est à portée de main,
Alors on tend la main et on se retrouve fou...

Quelqu'un M'a Dit - Carla Bruni

perfect?

i know i always come across as a total relationship skeptic but the fact is that i just haven't found the right person. i want someone i can look up to. i want someone who inspires me to be a better version of myself through their own example. whether or not this is what i need, i don't know. but i think it's what i want.

you don't need to be fabulously good-looking. you don't need to be rich. you don't need to be smart. you just need to be perfect. perfect for me.

i think this song below is important. i want someone who makes me feel this way about them, but at the same time, i want them to feel the same way about me.

i usually don't do this but...

this song deserves its own post. this song is ridiculously AMAZING.

if i ever get married...

... this will be my wedding song. :)






Valentine by Kina Grannis


Love, it's a special day.
We should celebrate,
And appreciate,
That you and me, found something pretty neat,
And i know some say this day is arbitrary...

But it's a good excuse to put our love to use,
Baby I know what to do, 
Baby I will love you,
I'll love you, I'll love you.

Love, I don't need those things,
I don't need no ring,
I don't need anything,
But you with me, cause in your company, 
I feel happy, 
Oh so happy and complete

And it's a good excuse to put our love to use
Baby I know what to do, 
Baby I will love you,
I'll love you, I'll love you.

So won't you be my honey bee,
Giving me kisses all the time?
Be mine, 
Be my valentine...

So won't you be my honey bee,
Giving sweet kisses all the time?
Be mine, be my valentine...




So sweeeet! :)


Normal and proper posts back soon! Have a lovely weekend!

xx.

belated taylor swift fever.

VAMOS ESPANA!! :D

Hi everyone!

Yes, as you can tell, I'm extremely happy that Spain won the Cup; they totally deserved it! I was even happier when I heard Thomas Mueller of Germany won Golden Boot and Young Player of the Tournament! Recipients of the awards were most deserving of them. :D And so, my football fever returns to its dormant state till the next World Cup but it really has been an amazing month! :)

Holidays have been a bit different. An aunty from overseas has been staying over and another aunt's kids have been coming over a lot too so it's not the usual quiet break that I'm used to. I had my first quiet day today which was really lovely. My room is looking pretty clean so I'm pretty happy about that too. Cleaning the study is on the agenda for tomorrow. :)

Anyway, I just had the sudden urge to listen to 'You Belong With Me' by Taylor Swift. As much as I believe Taylor Swift to be completely overrated and in much need of a sandwich, this song puts a smile on my face. Yes, I know it's not a happy song but I think it's definitely relatable. There must be so many people out there, girls and guys inclusive, that have gone through that awful period where you know you have absolutely no chance with someone because you're competing with people who look a certain way or are more 'popular'. The scenario always has the same recipe. Let's use the girl formula. Girl meets boy. He's perfect. They have everything in common. She believes that she has a chance. Next thing she knows, he's going out with some other girl who is so much more attractive/cool/popular/rich/etc. than she is. It's the same sort of situation as the Katy Perry song I mentioned a couple of blogs ago. That damned 'sibling' status. I think 90% of girls I know have complained to me about being in this situation.

I think it's so wrong that people think they have to change how they look to bring attention to their personality.

I would elaborate but I'm getting sleepy. Electric blanket awesomeness. :D So I'll leave you with the video of the song along with a few lines of lyrics. Actually, I'll leave most of the lyrics. They tell a great story. :)

I hope everyone is well. :)

xx.








You're on the phone with your girlfriend,
She's upset.
She's going off about something that you said,
'Cause she doesn't get your humor like I do.

I'm in the room,
It's a typical Tuesday night,
I'm listening to the kind of music she doesn't like,
She'll never know your story like I do...

But she wears short skirts,
I wear t-shirts,
She's cheer captain and I'm on the bleachers,
Dreaming about the day when you wake up and find,
That what you're looking for has been here the whole time...

Walking the streets with you and your worn out jeans,
I can't help thinking, 'This is how it ought to be...'
Laughing on a park bench,
Thinking to myself, 'Hey, isn't this easy?'

And you've got a smile that could light up this whole town,
I haven't seen it in awhile since she brought you down,
You say you're fine,
I know you better than that,
Hey, what you doing with a girl like that?

If you could see that I'm the one who understands you,
Been here all along so why can't you see,
You belong with me.
Standing by and waiting at your backdoor,
All this time, how could you not know?
You belong with me.

Oh, I remember you driving to my house in the middle of the night,
I'm the one who makes you laugh when you know you're about to cry,
And I know your favorite songs,
And you tell me about your dreams,
Think I know where you belong...
Think I know it's with me.

Can't you see that I'm the one who understands you,
Been here all along so why can't you see,
You belong with me.

Have you ever thought, just maybe,
You belong with me?



You Belong With Me by Taylor Swift

Sentimental Heart

Cried all night 'til there was nothing more,

What use am I as a heap on the floor?

Human Devotion but it's just no good,

Taking it hard just like you know I would.

Old habits die hard when you got, when you got a sentimental heart.

Piece of the puzzle, you're my missing part

Oh, what can you do with a sentimental heart?

Sentimental Heart - She & Him

Hi everyone!

I hope all is well even though the sky is gloomy outside. I'm slightly depressed yet amused at the same time... Just passed my Witches subject. I knew I wasn't going to do great on it but I don't know what I could've done to that last essay to make it any better and that just frustrates me. I know I did the best that I could've done at that time but it puzzles me wondering about what I did wrong. Oh well, at least I passed! I'll just have to work on raising my average next semester. Major sigh but :) at the same time.

I've been listening to 'She & Him' non-stop over the last 24 hours. It's really addictive. I've become a softie in my old age. I love the light indie folk sound at the moment. It's almost therapeutic. 'She & Him' is fronted by Zooey Deschanel the actress, who I think is one of the prettiest people in the world. She's just so cute! The music is just the same. Incredibly cute and pretty... I fell asleep to it last night. :D

I've been kept inside all holidays because my small cousins keep coming over. It gets a bit irritating, really. Ahh, great. My cousin's hacking away at my lolly jar for her kids. Her kids, the most hyperactive kids I've ever known. Whoo. =="

Last night I found out that I'm meant to go back to uni on July 26. I'm in Newcastle till the 31st. I swear I read somewhere that I didn't go back till the beginning of August. Sigh.

I feel even more withdrawn now that I'm at home with no uni. Sometimes I don't really feel like talking to anyone and other days I feel like I really need someone to talk to. It gets confusing. I don't really know what I'm doing anymore. I don't even know who I am and that's the biggest problem of all. Am I listening to this music because I actually like it or because people have told me that I should like it? Do I really enjoy reading or have I tricked myself into believing that I do? I don't know anymore.

Yes, this was pessimistic-me writing this post.

I need to buy new shoes.

xx.

One of the boys.

Hi everyone!

I hope everyone is absolutely terrific! Exams are finally over and the sun is shining despite the wind and clouds. Yes, I'm in an optimistic mood today even though I've got an awful thumping headache at the moment. I think my body's been suppressing pain sensors till exams are over because my back, shoulder and neck pain has amplified by 3-fold over the last two days. It's quite painful trying to get out of bed in the morning. This entry will be fairly long because I haven't written anything proper on here for a little while. :)

My current obsession: Katy Perry. I have no idea how it came about but I've been listening to her debut album (which is quite old now but i'm always a bit behind the times) and it's quite good. I know she's been marketed as, well, one of those girls but some of the songs she didn't release are on a very different level from those that she's best known for. I have nothing against 'I Kissed a Girl'. At first I thought, 'society has hit a new low...' but now I kind of feel like it's a good thing for that kind of theme to be exposed. There's nothing wrong with homosexuality or bisexuality and it's being accepted much more freely these days compared to a decade ago. But let's not talk about that now. :)

There are some really good songs on the album, like 'One Of The Boys' and 'Mannequin.' I think I liked the title song because it was something that I could kind of relate to. It's just about how a girl likes a guy but he considers her as one of his guy mates as opposed to a girl. So she decides to become more girly and finds herself at the center of every guys' attention, in which case he'll just have to take a spot in line like everyone else. I can relate to the first part. There's been many a time where I feel like a should just become insanely girly to get the attention of some guy but I could never bring myself to do it. It may be the Disney approach to life but the right person for me should just accept me as I am. Initially anyway. I'm sure we all change a little bit to adapt to the people around us and they do the same for us. I just don't want to become someone I never wanted to be.

I finally managed to watch the entirety of '500 Days of Summer.' It was my third attempt. Yes, I'm awesome, I know. I think you have to be in the right mindset to watch a movie like that. It was just coincidence that some friends of mine have recently come out of relationships and can't seem to let go. I just love Summer's character. Again, probably because I can relate to how she feels. She states her situation in the movie and it was like, summing up how I feel about relationships in a few words:

"I like being on my own. I think relationships are messy and people’s feelings get hurt. Who needs it? We’re young, we live in one of the most beautiful cities in the world; might as well have fun while we can and save the serious stuff for later."

Perfect.

It's very true. Or it's true with my perspective. One day, I'll probably find the 'right' person and all this will go out the window but, for now, this is how I feel about it. I don't go around looking for something that might not be there. If it's meant to find me then it will, whether I'm looking for it or not. I refuse to be pressured into it. I'd like to think that one day I'll just wake up and just know. However, life is 90% fate and 10% choice. Fate only takes you a certain distance and you have to do the rest. In a way, your choice is apart of fate so you could argue that life is 100% fate. Choice really could be nothing, you'd never know what could've happened if you had chosen something else because it's really just not possible to know. I think it's a waste to focus so much of your energy chasing this person or that person. There should only be a select few that ever enter your real world.

I've said it in one of my previous blogs. I have no idea what it feels like to really like anyone anymore. I just can't remember. It's been so long. Sure, I'll have random moments every few months where I think that I like someone but I don't. It's very frustrating. Probably more so for the other person because I'll seem really keen one day and wake up completely disinterested the next. People do get hurt and that doesn't make the impulse worth acting upon. Of course, you can't stay guarded forever but I want to be able to carefully choose who I want to play a part in my life. The process is long and painful.

But life really is too short... and if you can't be happy right now, then when can you? Screw all the misery and complication. You generally create it for yourself. Never over-think. Take a moment at a time. Every moment has something to smile about, you just have to open your mind to it. Run wild, be happy, laugh and giggle. Moments of pain are created in your head. If it's created in there, it can be destroyed in there too.

Don't force things to happen. Go with the flow and you'll end up exactly where you're meant to be.

xx.

The first star I see may not be a star. I can't do a thing but wait so let's wait for one more... - For Me This Is Heaven by Jimmy Eat World. One of my all-time favourite songs.

For Me This Is Heaven

The first star I see may not be a star.
We can't do a thing but wait.
So let's wait for one more.
The time, such clumsy time, in deciding if it's time.
I'm careful but not sure how it goes.
You can lose yourself in your courage.
The mindless comfort grows when I'm alone with my 'great' plans.
This is what she says gets her through it:
"If I don't let myself be happy now, then when?
If not now, when?"
When the time we have now ends.
When the big hand goes round again.
Can you still feel the butterflies?
Can you still hear the last goodnight?
Close my eyes and believe wherever you are, an angel for me.

- For Me This Is Heaven, Jimmy Eat World

Andrew McMahon's favourite song. ♥

I just love the line 'If I don't let myself be happy now, then when?' It's so simple yet so hard to do. So logical, but no one does it.

Songs express how I feel everyday. It's my form of catharsis. It's like expressing how I feel without saying a word. I never cease to be amazed by how so many different instruments played at the same time can make something so beautiful. I love trying to listen to just one instrument in a song and imagine how different the song would song if that sound wasn't there. Music is the perfect example of harmony. You can't take out any component and have the same thing. You can't speed up something and have the rest at a different pace. Everything just needs to work together.

A vocalist is just another instrument. The words sung are just more notes added to the composition. It's simply mind-blowing how lyrics and music compliment each other so perfectly.

Listen to the song above and you'll know exactly what I mean.

I love how music can make you happy, sad, nostalgic or want to cry. Every now and then you come across a melody or a lyric or a beat that seems to feel just like how you feel. I love these moments. It feels like the world is trying to tell me that it knows exactly what I'm going through and that it's going through the same thing.

xx.

Divided.

I don't want to live my life like a story,

Always thinking I could've been something.

Don't run alongside and control me.

Just film away and let me be.

T&S

And darling...

Came across this old Tegan and Sara song, 'And Darling...' that's just so beautifully simple that I had to post it. Sweetest melody. ... I'm way too easily affected by music. 'I Know, I Know, I Know' always makes me feel funny inside too...

Their hair looks so old school and funny in the picture used below. I love them so much. :)

Just wonderful.