what defines us

hi everyone!

i hope everyone is well. :)

today i just thought i'd throw together a quick post before i get crackin' on some studying. exams are freakishly close.

"There's more to life than love and being together."

This line comes from a Tegan and Sara song that I've lately become attached to called 'You Went Away'. Some people, especially at my age, are really hung up on the idea that have to be in a relationship. It's rather often that someone is in a relationship that clearly doesn't work but they stay anyway because they just can't imagine what it would be like to be independent again. I just can't understand why, if you're so unhappy with another person, what makes you want to stay? You're arguing every other day and giving each other the silent treatment. You call each other insulting names and sometimes you're even unfaithful. Why keep it going? It's logical to remove yourself from a relationship if it's not making you happy anymore. It's also logical to do so if you're just causing the other person pain because of your behaviour. But why do people not do this? Why do they condemn themselves to an age of misery and frustration when all the while it's in their power to get away from it all? You only live once and any time lost being unhappy is time truly lost.

A close friend of mine is in a rather interesting situation. I'm going to be completely honest and say she's been in complicated relationships before. Never has she acted in a way that I would've, which makes things very interesting for me as an observer. My advice is always listened to but never acted upon. This is fair enough. I don't claim to have any sort of experience in the area at all. I play the role of the neutral, un-biased third party that just watches from the sidelines. Anyway, this friend of mine is in an unusual situation. She's had a number of 'boyfriends' before. That what she says but I personally don't count relationships before the age of 17 because you really have no idea what you're really doing and it's not serious. Anyway, she started uni and made new friends like everyone else. She became particularly close to one girl who is a homosexual. Next thing I know, they're an item. I had a brief discussion with my friend about it and she said, 'I still like guys and if I wasn't with **** then I'd probably be with a guy right now.' I found this interesting and kind of amusing at the same time because the media was going crazy about LiLo and her girlfriend at the time. I've always been pretty open and okay with homosexuality so I was like, 'Oh okay then. Cool.' What else can you say as a friend? I was actually just happy that she was happy and I told her so. Over time, rifts began to occur between them. My friend would never talk to me about them until it got bad, which I understand. What fascinated me was that the same problem was happening over and over but my friend just decided to ground her feet and be miserable. It profoundly puzzles me as to why anyone would do this.

The other girl has been accused of being unfaithful and this just makes my friend upset and it happens again and again. They fight then don't talk to each other for x number of days and next thing you know they're back together? I'm not exactly saying that there is anything wrong with doing this but I just can't comprehend why you would go through something so energy consuming and frustrating and sleep depriving that has such a small chance of working out in the end to anyones happiness. I once heard someone in a sad relationship say, 'We're unhappy together but we'd be more unhappy apart.' Something doesn't sit right with that for me. So what, you doom yourself to eternal unhappiness?

I think people get caught up in the idea of love and relationships defining them as a person. This probably applies more to girls than to guys because, despite the development and progress of active feminism, girls are still expected to settle down and start a family. Without this, their lives are often said to have no meaning or point. There is always that fear of feeling unwanted, unloved and starved of affection that everyone else but you seem to receive from other people. No one wants to have that sad label of being a 'spinster.' But I just think that there is so much more to life and so many more components to an individual than just love and relationships.

I'm a strong believer in happiness, as most people are. I believe that it is just as important to be happy right now, in the present, as it is to be happy in ten, twenty years time. There is no point to suffering now to try to achieve a goal long-term that may not even make you happy. Despite saying this, I think it's important to still have challenges and goals in life but just don't get stuck in a situation that has no long-term perspective and that has you feeling sad and depressed all the time.

There are so many things that will ultimately define someone as an individual. We should not allow the pursuit of love and affection rule and direct our lives.

xx.