emotionless?

okay. so today i received what should have been an alarming text message from darling nicholas. it informed me that he had in his view my interest. my interest and a girl from class. my interest and a girl from class eating crepes together. my interest and a girl feeding each other crepes looking 'coupley'.

now, i should've felt really upset. really. i genuinely thought that i liked this guy heaps. like, a lot. so now i'm wondering why i kind of didn't feel anything at all. if anything i was more shocked that this girl was so off my radar that i hadn't even considered her to be a threat of any sort. nerdy-looking and overweight sort of girl. he always gave the impression that he had quite high standards when it came to physical appearances but there you go...

so, i'm concerned for myself. why don't i feel anything? here are the possible answers:

- could nicholas have exaggerated the scene? : maybe there's a part of me that is thinking that nick has exaggerated what he saw and that they were just eating together in a friendly way... hrmm.
- she's not right for him? : maybe i just can't digest that he's with that girl in particular. i've spent time in their company before and i never detected any symptoms of partiality between them. not that i've really even seen them together. i mean, if you're in a relationship, shouldn't you be trying to see the other person fairly often? hrmm.
- he never said anything? : i joke to him all the time about relationships. why hasn't he bothered to say that he has a girlfriend all this time? maybe they're not a couple? hrmm.
- i don't believe it? : maybe i won't believe it till i see it with my own eyes or hear him say it himself.
- maybe i just never really attached myself? : as much as i like/liked him, maybe i don't feel anything because i didn't actually actively pursue him in any way. i hadn't officially made a conquest of him. so i don't really care? hrmm.
- maybe God just didn't give me the ability to attach myself to others.

but yeah. i don't know. even i think it's weird that i don't feel anything. i just don't know.

SEE? during these last few hours, when it really should have hit home, it hasn't. i'm not even upset or anything about him. i'm actually preoccupied thinking about why i don't feel anything rather than be concerned about the situation that has actually occurred.

I'M SUCH A WEIRDO.