i need something new.

i need something new. i'm sick and tired of this. i don't want change. i just want something new but, at the same time, something i know how to handle. someone throw me a life jacket. i'm drowning.

i don't want to think about you anymore. i hate myself for doing it. i hate the fear that i experience every time i see your name because it might tell me that you already belong to another. i hate that some part of me wants you all to myself while the others argue so strongly against it. i hate that i can't find your equivalent. i hate how you can put a smile on my face by simply putting one on your own.

i just hate all of this.