cough cough cough

Gah!

I'm sick again! Curse you, weak immune system! *shakes angry fist*
Yeah, so, I've been basically bedridden for 3 days but it's all blurred together and feels like only half a day. It's very odd. I'm dizzy after standing up or walking around for short periods of time. My abdominals really hurt from coughing so much. I've had two proper meals in the last 72 hours because eating seems so repulsive right now. It's been fun.

I thought I'd quickly put something together while waiting for season 2 of Skins to download.

The ball was really fun last week! I was tipsy for most of the thing and then pretty drunk for the after party. Not my proudest night ever, but I was going to stay in the city anyway so it was very much a 'let's just go all out' mentality. I'm glad my friend and I let loose because we had a lot of fun. Maybe it's because I'm a bit older now, but I can understand why people find it so addictive to go out every weekend. I never really got my head around it when I was younger, or maybe I was just hanging out with the wrong people. If it weren't for the exhaustion the next day, I'd probably be out there more often because I really did have a fun time with the uni kids.

I never used to understand why my friend enjoyed the shallow compliments and caresses of men she had just met. I had always attributed it to her low self-esteem, which I still believe. One night we were travelling, and she suddenly turned to me and asked if we could go clubbing. I've never been a fan of it (it's really too loud, everyone is all sweaty, strangers touch me; it's just not a good environment) but I didn't want to disappoint her, so I agreed to go. She was really pleased and told me that she wanted to go out and have boys tell her that she was pretty. This was really puzzling to me, as I'd never really had such a desire. Sure, it's nice when someone tells you that you're cute or pretty, but surely she knows that these guys in clubs are only after one thing and they'll express a lot of compliments they don't mean to get it, right? I don't think getting compliments from men are that big of a deal. Because when you really think about it, what's so flattering about being told a bunch of lies? I don't understand.

However, I'm slowly coming to understand the physical side of things. Or maybe I've just been away from the game too long and couldn't remember what it felt like. If I'm honest with myself, the last guys I dated (who seem like an eternity ago anyway) were not the best choices, and my feelings for them were lukewarm at most.  But there's something almost addictive about being held in someone's arms. A feeling of calm and security. Maybe it felt that way because I was tipsy, or because I've been attracted to the involved party for a while, but there's something about it I can't explain. I'm not the type to let men touch me unless they're good friends, but I suppose my partiality for this one made him an exception. It wasn't quite the same as being hugged by a male friend. It felt different and I don't know how to put it into words. It felt safe, like if I could've melted into one with this person at that moment then I would have done so gladly. And it was a simple combination of my arms around his neck, his arms wrapped around my waist and our bodies close together, but something strangely felt right. Now I can sort of understand why my friend goes out every weekend looking for some stranger to take her home and hold her through the night. I think it's for that comfort of knowing there's this other person here with you, so closely entwined, in a moment where the world around you seems so irrelevant and obsolete.