becoming real.

i just rewatched the film 'Up In The Air.' i first watched it a couple of weeks ago in my post-semester boredom and found that a lot of its themes struck me quite strongly, being the introverted person that i am. if you haven't seen it, i highly recommend it; george clooney and anna kendrick give terrific performances. but what i'm most interested in are the messages portrayed. i'm not going to elaborate on this though because that's boring. :)


anyone who knows me well will probably know that i don't believe that much in relationships. i suppose, more correctly, i don't believe that i should depend so heavily on being in one. some people just get so hooked on it, you know? it wasn't till i viewed this film for a second time that something one of the characters said clicked with me: i don't hate people, i just don't like the idea of them tying me down. i guess i had a mini-epiphany over that. i'm not against relationships, i'm all for it. it's just going to take the right person to convince me that they're a good enough reason for me to settle.


the film is apparently heavily tied in with a children's book called 'The Velveteen Rabbit.' i grew up in a very asian family and so i didn't read a whole lot of Western style bedtime stories but this is supposed to be quite a good one. i quickly googled and looked it up on wikipedia. if you haven't read the book, i suggest you do the same. i hope i can come across it one day now because i'd really love to read it. :)


this particular line was quoted in a short analysis i read and i just felt like it held so much meaning that i had to post it somewhere incase i ever forgot about it (even though this post will be copied over to my blogger anyways). it is something that is said to the velveteen rabbit when he is searching for ways to become 'real' instead of just being a toy:


"Real isn't how you are made . . . It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become real. It takes a long time. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."


just food for thought. :)

One of the boys.

Hi everyone!

I hope everyone is absolutely terrific! Exams are finally over and the sun is shining despite the wind and clouds. Yes, I'm in an optimistic mood today even though I've got an awful thumping headache at the moment. I think my body's been suppressing pain sensors till exams are over because my back, shoulder and neck pain has amplified by 3-fold over the last two days. It's quite painful trying to get out of bed in the morning. This entry will be fairly long because I haven't written anything proper on here for a little while. :)

My current obsession: Katy Perry. I have no idea how it came about but I've been listening to her debut album (which is quite old now but i'm always a bit behind the times) and it's quite good. I know she's been marketed as, well, one of those girls but some of the songs she didn't release are on a very different level from those that she's best known for. I have nothing against 'I Kissed a Girl'. At first I thought, 'society has hit a new low...' but now I kind of feel like it's a good thing for that kind of theme to be exposed. There's nothing wrong with homosexuality or bisexuality and it's being accepted much more freely these days compared to a decade ago. But let's not talk about that now. :)

There are some really good songs on the album, like 'One Of The Boys' and 'Mannequin.' I think I liked the title song because it was something that I could kind of relate to. It's just about how a girl likes a guy but he considers her as one of his guy mates as opposed to a girl. So she decides to become more girly and finds herself at the center of every guys' attention, in which case he'll just have to take a spot in line like everyone else. I can relate to the first part. There's been many a time where I feel like a should just become insanely girly to get the attention of some guy but I could never bring myself to do it. It may be the Disney approach to life but the right person for me should just accept me as I am. Initially anyway. I'm sure we all change a little bit to adapt to the people around us and they do the same for us. I just don't want to become someone I never wanted to be.

I finally managed to watch the entirety of '500 Days of Summer.' It was my third attempt. Yes, I'm awesome, I know. I think you have to be in the right mindset to watch a movie like that. It was just coincidence that some friends of mine have recently come out of relationships and can't seem to let go. I just love Summer's character. Again, probably because I can relate to how she feels. She states her situation in the movie and it was like, summing up how I feel about relationships in a few words:

"I like being on my own. I think relationships are messy and people’s feelings get hurt. Who needs it? We’re young, we live in one of the most beautiful cities in the world; might as well have fun while we can and save the serious stuff for later."

Perfect.

It's very true. Or it's true with my perspective. One day, I'll probably find the 'right' person and all this will go out the window but, for now, this is how I feel about it. I don't go around looking for something that might not be there. If it's meant to find me then it will, whether I'm looking for it or not. I refuse to be pressured into it. I'd like to think that one day I'll just wake up and just know. However, life is 90% fate and 10% choice. Fate only takes you a certain distance and you have to do the rest. In a way, your choice is apart of fate so you could argue that life is 100% fate. Choice really could be nothing, you'd never know what could've happened if you had chosen something else because it's really just not possible to know. I think it's a waste to focus so much of your energy chasing this person or that person. There should only be a select few that ever enter your real world.

I've said it in one of my previous blogs. I have no idea what it feels like to really like anyone anymore. I just can't remember. It's been so long. Sure, I'll have random moments every few months where I think that I like someone but I don't. It's very frustrating. Probably more so for the other person because I'll seem really keen one day and wake up completely disinterested the next. People do get hurt and that doesn't make the impulse worth acting upon. Of course, you can't stay guarded forever but I want to be able to carefully choose who I want to play a part in my life. The process is long and painful.

But life really is too short... and if you can't be happy right now, then when can you? Screw all the misery and complication. You generally create it for yourself. Never over-think. Take a moment at a time. Every moment has something to smile about, you just have to open your mind to it. Run wild, be happy, laugh and giggle. Moments of pain are created in your head. If it's created in there, it can be destroyed in there too.

Don't force things to happen. Go with the flow and you'll end up exactly where you're meant to be.

xx.

The first star I see may not be a star. I can't do a thing but wait so let's wait for one more... - For Me This Is Heaven by Jimmy Eat World. One of my all-time favourite songs.