So, it's 9:25am and i'm already in the biomed library. No forms of public transport were kind to me this morning, so i only got to uni 1o minutes ago. no point going to my witches tute if i've already missed a third of it. kinda annoying actually.
anyways... so as usual, i'm all confused and feeling like out of all the guys i talk to, there should be someone that i'm 'interested' in. but then it's like, does it really matter? some girls get so caught up in it and it really doesn't make you any wiser. there's probably three guys at the moment that i'd say i'm sort of semi-interested in... but really, i have no clue. i can't remember what it feels like to really just want to be with someone. i don't think i've felt that way towards a guy since i was like... 15? which is so very sad, i know. even with the guys now, i find it hard to distinguish whether i have a sibling affection for them, whether they're just fun to talk to and to keep as company, or whether there's anything more.
it's not hard to make me 'semi-interested'. i feel that way towards most guys if they're nice to me when i talk to them. it's keeping me interested that's the hard part. i'm an anti-social, isolated child so i like my own space and doing my own thing. some guys just really don't get that and become all stifling and clingy. i can't hack that. i really can't. hence i've been through many 'getting-to-know-you' phases that just end because i feel too suffocated. i think people would me 'low-maintanence' seeing as though i don't like the guy being there all the time. then again, i'm yet to get close to someone that i like so much to the point where i just always want them around.
i don't believe in hints. they don't work with me because i can never pick them up. even when i do, i think it's all in my head so then it's not really a hint at all.
so what do i look for? what every other girl looks for: funny, smart, good-looking if possible... it's all so generic yet unique to every individual what you find attractive. it's impossible to find someone without flaws. it's whether or not you can learn to bear with them. i think about the three guys mentioned above and here are my thoughts on each.
1. positives: funny, smart, dresses well, nice, really cute, similar cultural background, a number of interests in common. negatives: i get the vibe that this guy would just be soooo clingy that it's seriously off-putting, he's a fair bit of a man-slut (ahahaha!), usually likes very asian-y girls.
2. positives: funny, dresses well, nice, good-looking, known each other since childhood, a person i can trust, really nice family, same cultural background. negatives: known each other since childhood, rolls in a very different crowd, usually likes very asian-y girls.
3. positives: funny, nice, similar interests and sense of humour. negatives: many, different cultural background; there's nothing wrong with him but there would definitely be a lot of things getting in the way if we became anything more than friends.
there. in a week's time, i'll probably look at this and laugh. i'm so silly. but boys are sillier. to the point where i just don't really want to think about them altogether.
so that's my non-existent love-life. :)
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