hello all!
i hope everyone is well.
i'm once again struggling to find inspiration to catch up on studies... even though i've been on lecture 17 of physiology for about 2 months now. sigh. at least there's only one exam left! :)
today i thought i'd give everyone a bit of insight into my pessimism.
i'm a natural pessimist. i've probably been this way my whole life but it wasn't till about halfway through high school that people would actually point it out to me. or maybe it started around that time... the trend of emo music and all (ha.)... but yes. i'm a negative thinker. not about people's potential or anything but just on life generally.
i have difficultly understanding why we're stuck in the same cycle as the numerous generations before us. here is how i lay life out.
1. you go to school to learn and distinguish yourself from others to get into uni.
2. you get into uni to continue studying so that one day you'll get a great job.
3. you get a great job. your aim now is to make lots of money. because EVERYONE knows money will make you happy (sarcasm intended there). i don't wholly believe people when they say they work their job because it's something they enjoy and money doesn't matter. money always matters. it's really sad.
4. you make heaps of money so that you can support your family, if you choose to start one. your plan is to make heaps of money because, even though your prime days are over, you can make those of your children easier by providing them with money.
5. but your kids won't need your money. they'll find their own jobs. they'll look after themselves. they're not going to want to have you buying their groceries when they're on the wrong side of 30.
6. you die. leaving all this excess money behind for your kids. you kids who are going through the exact same cycle as you: school, work, money, family, die. so basically, we just never progress beyond that.
you end up working really hard in the hope that your children will make something of themselves one day but the chances are that they'll just end up doing the same thing as you in spending their lives supporting their own kids who in turn will just support their kids.
it makes me confused.
is that all my life is meant to be?
maybe that's why i've been so down lately. it's a combination of so very many things. but despite being this kind of person, i don't push these ideas on other people. i think that people deserve to be happy. over the years, i've made a large effort to ensure that i don't say negative things around others. if someone asks me if something they did was the right thing to do even though they ended up sad, i'll respond: 'it least you won't always be asking 'what if'.' because it's really about trying to find the upside in everything. i'm a pessimist towards life philosophy but an optimist in action. just because i feel sad doesn't mean i drag everyone else down too. that's not fair. so i put on a happy face and laugh at any given opportunity. and sometimes this makes me forget how sad i can feel inside.
it's all in the moment.
spending time with people who elevate your spirits is important. i enjoy spending time with people that don't think too much because they're so different from myself. i think an increase in random people would make the world a better place.
in the midst of war and financial frustration, everyone needs to smile and let go every now and then. don't vent out your anger towards others. it only brings them down too. they're probably going through enough of their own problems without having to worry about yours as well. instead, try to be that person that lightens up the mood of the entire room just by walking in. those people make me feel happy, so i try to be one of them to make others feel happy. :)
that's enough from me for now. i still feel like writing so i might add another entry later on tonight.
stay warm and enjoy the wonderful football gracing our televisions! xx.
You've been acting awful tough lately, smoking a lot of cigarettes lately. But inside, you're just a little baby. It's okay to say you've got a weak spot. You don't always have to be on top. Better to be hated than to be loved for what you're not. You're vulnerable, you are not a robot. - I Am Not a Robot by Marina and the Diamonds.
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