comforting

there's something wonderfully comforting about the sound of the heating system coming on while i sit at my desk in the study with my vintage yellow desk lamp turned on and wearing my pink jumper. i don't know why but it makes me feel so incredibly safe and snug.

i guess i've spent so many cold days/evenings/nights like this that it's become a comfort zone for me. :)

Bound

I wish I knew how to jump into the sea,
And not be troubled by how to get home.
But I cling to the map and trace my steps,
The need to feel safe is too great.

How do you let go of security and live spontaneously?
I wish I knew how.
The smallest change causes utter chaos in my mind.
I guess I'm a creature of habit.

One day I hope to live by how I feel in the moment,
And not by what I fear the moment will lead to.
It holds me back like fierce chains, an infinite puzzle.
If only I could find the key. If only I knew how.

I envy those around me who see no mystery in this.
They take risks and carve new experiences.
Some win while others fail, the outcome doesn't matter,
Dawn brings a time to do it all over again.

I want to let go of the harness and drop into the unknown,
I want to be brave enough to risk the pain and disappointment,
Because I know that lying amongst it somewhere is joy.
If only I knew how.

I LOVE OATS!

i stopped by the supermarket after uni to pick up a box of oats. i've been craving them so badly, especially with this cold weather.

simply cannot WAIT for breakfast tomorrow! :D

xx

calm before the storm

hi everyone!

i know it has been a terribly long LONG time since i last posted but i've just been really busy with so much! i hope everyone has been well! this post is a catch-up as well as a vent one so expect it to be fairly long...

so i'm back at uni. the gamsat was a few weeks ago. it wasn't really hard nor easy but i can't really gage how i went; guess i'll just have to wait for results. the plan is to apply for dentistry at UoM as well as nursing there. i was actually quite settled on nursing for quite some time but then decided to sit the gammy anyway just incase i changed my mind. i guess it was a good idea. i'm now also considering USyd more seriously because of the limited numbers of CSP places available at UoM. i think my chances of getting a FFP at UoM are higher but that's 50k a year. USyd seems to have many CSPs so by my not very accurate calculations, it would be cheaper overall to go to USyd than stay at UoM under a FFP. ... *cough*. yeah, i don't know. i'll keep you posted! ;)

anyway, the REAL reason that i felt the need to write today is because of this: i think i'm thinking about a guy more than i think about most guys.

i'll give you a little moment to absorb that.

he's funny and cute in a totally daggy way, doesn't dress fancy, he somehow remembers my name, lets me call him by the most awesome nickname ever. but i find that i try to avoid talking to him sometimes. i guess it's just my natural reaction when i feel like i'm starting to like a guy. this sounds really silly, but he reminds me of mn. witty and smart, they have really similar mannerisms and it almost scares me. i had a very brief and somewhat uncomfortable chat (on my side anyways) and found out that he volunteers to teach international students english. i think my heart skipped a beat. it really was like meeting a caucasian version of mn. and that scares me. i just don't want another long and pointless phase of being completely infatuated with someone i can't have. with someone that i don't even know if i want to have. the mn phase was terrible though useful at the time. but now i don't know what to do. do i make an effort to talk to him more? do i sit back and let him do the work? but what if he doesn't notice me like that? am i obliged to put in that extra effort to get myself noticed and distinguished? what happens if he doesn't turn out to be who i thought he was?

and ALAS, i fall into the same helpless pattern as previous.

i know they say you shouldn't think too much about these things and that you should just let it run its course but at the same time, it feels like that is the complete opposite of what i should be doing. the feeling i get about this guy doesn't feel like the fake feelings i had towards j1 or j2... it's more like mn feelings before i completely lost the plot and over obsessed.

i guess the worst part of this is that i don't really have anyone to talk to about it, which makes me sad. during the mn era, i used to talk to ab but i can't do that anymore. kn and ky are very busy so i don't want to disturb them; i mean, they have enough on their plates as it is.

i just feel restless about it all. go back two years and i would've just tried everything i could to get this guy's attention. but i tried that during the j1 phase and that was just a plain bad idea because i had no idea who he was before i jumped in.

as a reader of HJNTIY, i should just be restraining myself and not doing anything. it has taken enormous amounts of willpower to not add this guy on fb. seriously!

but then i sat and thought about it. a guy so awesome cannot possibly be on the market. or maybe he bats for the other team ala mn style. i have NO IDEA what i would do if the latter were true.

he's really sweet! i'd hate to lose him to someone else. but to start something then have it fall apart would be really terrible too. we have subjects together. :(

i guess i've never been much of a risk taker... he just seems super sweet. he wants to be a lawyer. AWWWW!!! but sigh. i just don't know what to do.

i guess first up, i need to find out if he's available.

i'll keep you updated!

COMMENTS ARE WELCOME! I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO AND WOULD GREATLY APPRECIATE ADVICE!

xx

major lustage

something else never fails to impress me...

i love this...



sorry for the lack of posts lately! i've had a lot on my plate. back to normal soon! xx.

clothing lustage

I have a confession to make. I really like clothes from General Pants Co. ... I really do.

 I think they get a good mixture of the trends, oddity and casualness. The only problem is for people like me, who like the look of slightly odd looking clothes and runway style, buy their items then are too scared to wear them because they look slightly... odd. I recently got these super comfy high-waisted pants in denim blue cotton. These ones actually:

They look totally amazing on this model but with my slightly wide hips, they look a bit funny... But i love them so much that I'm sure I'll find a way around it! :S

I was browsing the General Pants website in my procrastination and thought I'd share with you some of the current items I'm lusting after...

Floral Tie Die Dress by Something Else

Button Waist Dress by Something Else

Runaway Black by Sabre Vision

Patch Coat by Don't Ask Amanda

Dome Motif Tank by Something Else

Skin Cher Sweat by Cheap Monday

Paris Destroy Tee by Stussy

Wild Thorn Knit Jumper by One Teaspoon

As you can tell, I like slouchy and comfy clothes but that doesn't mean you compromise taste for it! Some people manage to look effortless chic and gorgeous in the most comfortable of clothing. Not to say I can do it... I usually just look like a bum. Sigh. I will get there one day!! :D

Anyway, that's enough procrastination for me for one night... If anyone would like to buy me the above items please feel free to! :)

Until we meet again! xx.

So... What's up?

Sorry that it's been so long since my last post! A lot has been happening in the backdrop of my life. As I mentioned earlier, I went to Japan and HK for a little while and came back just before Christmas. Sometime during January a spent a few days in Newcastle with my brother. My grandma has been sick on-and-off so it makes it hard on the family. Lunar New Year and Solar New Year both passed. So did Kathleen's birthday. I saw Andrew McMahon perform over the weekend which was lovely. Everyday I stare out of my window and realise that it looks the same as yesterday.

My life is slowly drowning under paper, pens and empty Oreo packets.

It's been an interesting break for me. It actually hasn't been much of a break at all. Other activities have been consuming my time so I have no idea where my three month relax period all flew off to! I haven't seen many friends since finishing up second year of B.Sci. Everyone is so super busy at the moment plus I have to stay home with grandma, but that's okay.

I don't know what the future will bring. All I can do is be myself and I'm sure life will end up being exactly how it's meant to be.