just found out what that stands for. and i love it.
minus the super girly characteristics, i'd be a real-life MPDG.
if i had to define myself using stock characters, it'd be a cross between tomboy and MPDG.
i mean, growing up watching movies and reading books, what girl doesn't aim to be a MPDG? it wasn't till i found out what that was that i realised i've probably been subconsciously aiming for it all my life.
i don't know whether or not that should make me feel worried.
Saturday, August 18, 2012
Thursday, August 16, 2012
life of an enigma.
I am a little weird, a little quirky, a little different.
I like to consider myself as an enigma. Something of a mystery that you cannot understand.
And I like it that way.
So to all those people who keep looking at me like I'm a freak and asking me why I do the things I do: I'm not afraid to step out there and nudge the boundaries of what society calls 'normal.' I mean, what does that even mean? How can you ever do anything amazing or discover something extraordinary if you only aim to be ordinary?
I'll continue to do what makes me happy, thank you very much.
I like to consider myself as an enigma. Something of a mystery that you cannot understand.
And I like it that way.
So to all those people who keep looking at me like I'm a freak and asking me why I do the things I do: I'm not afraid to step out there and nudge the boundaries of what society calls 'normal.' I mean, what does that even mean? How can you ever do anything amazing or discover something extraordinary if you only aim to be ordinary?
I'll continue to do what makes me happy, thank you very much.
Sunday, August 5, 2012
current to read list.
This is my current 'to-read' list. Need to save money to buy the eight that I don't yet own. Though I really should read the ones that are already on my shelf...
Currently reading:
- Villette by Charlotte Bronte.
- Udolpho by Ann Radcliffe (I haven't touched it for at least six months, but it'll get there!)
Saturday, August 4, 2012
i am a wallflower.
Hi everyone!
Yes, I know. It's been a super long time since I've written. It's terrible, I know. Time just slips through my fingers these days and I just cannot find time to write. But I'm determined to get back to it. I hope everyone has been well!
This is the first time in a while that I really felt like I needed to vent, and venting through writing is the only method that I think helps. Lately I've been feeling a bit out of place. Yes, I know. I go through these stages every now and then. But I really did feel out of place. I had all these conflicting ideals and should-do's, and it made me really confused about who I believed myself to be.
It's no secret that I don't like spending time with lots of people. I've never felt the need to gain the approval of strangers. To some degree, I think new people scare me, but for the most I'd like to think that I simply don't care about what they think of me, because their opinion of me is none of my business. Yet, sometimes I feel like I should make an effort to make these people like me. I don't know whether that's because social protocol condemns introverts or because it's human nature, but it made me feel really uncomfortable for a while. And I felt really alone. Not lonely. Just alone.
I am an extreme introvert. I don't like being in rooms filled with strangers because it means that I have to talk to them. I don't have problems socialising, I know that I can do it well, I just don't like doing it very much. I think that's very different from being 'socially-retarded'.
One day after school, I just felt really insecure. And I genuinely felt like there was something wrong with me. That how I behaved wasn't normal. That how I chose to interact with the world and people wasn't right. I think I started to panic a bit.
I know I'm an introvert so I started with that. It appears that how I feel is normal for people under the same umbrella. What I didn't like was how the articles that I read would say that being an introvert is okay, they would hint in the opposite direction (sorry, all my eloquence has gone out the window due to the lack of writing lately). It was like wearing an ugly dress and having people say to you 'oh, the colour is quite pretty...' 'at least the fabric looks to be of good quality!' when all they're really thinking is 'that's so ugly, but i'll try to find something nice to say to make her feel better.' The articles would go on-and-on about how introverts have higher chances of being financially successful and how they are better employers than their talkative counterparts, but it all ended up being some mediocre way of saying 'Here are the benefits of being socially inept.' So, reading those articles made me feel better because I knew I wasn't alone but it made me feel bad as well because I felt like I had just labelled myself as a social outcast.
I hope no one misunderstands this. I don't hate people and I don't like it when people dislike me. But at the same time, I don't put extra effort into making people like me. I am what I am and people are either going to accept that or they don't and that's up to them.
In the end, I just reminded myself of what I promised myself to always be. I never want to be someone that I don't want to be. I never want to look at myself and feel that, somewhere along the track, I lost myself.
I just finished reading a book called 'The Perks of Being a Wallflower' about 30 minutes ago. I read it in less than a day. Let me just say that even though I know the characters are fictional, I've never understood a character more. He just felt like me in a lot of ways. He was a wallflower. I can't explain it all too well as I'm still letting the effect of the book sink in, but if you've read it, I think you'll know what I mean by that.
I am a wallflower. And there's nothing wrong with that.
There are moments when I lapse and lose sight of who I am because of the pressure of the society and culture around me. I know that people think I'm strange because I prefer reading a good book to a night out and that I'm 22 without a partner. I suppose it doesn't matter to me what they think. I don't do things unless they feel right. I think that's a more important reason to do something than because you feel pressured to by your environment.
Listen to music that makes your heart stop. Read something that makes you pause and think. What does this will be different for everyone and it's something that you should accept.
I'm sorry that the writing in this post is so horrible and all over the place. I can't organise my thoughts all that well these days. I guess what I was trying to say was that I felt out of place then realised that feeling like that is okay and that I love being me and being me should be the most important thing. I don't know.
Maybe I just wanted to write something.
I hope you're all well. Hopefully the time between this post and the next won't be as long as the previous.
xx
Yes, I know. It's been a super long time since I've written. It's terrible, I know. Time just slips through my fingers these days and I just cannot find time to write. But I'm determined to get back to it. I hope everyone has been well!
This is the first time in a while that I really felt like I needed to vent, and venting through writing is the only method that I think helps. Lately I've been feeling a bit out of place. Yes, I know. I go through these stages every now and then. But I really did feel out of place. I had all these conflicting ideals and should-do's, and it made me really confused about who I believed myself to be.
It's no secret that I don't like spending time with lots of people. I've never felt the need to gain the approval of strangers. To some degree, I think new people scare me, but for the most I'd like to think that I simply don't care about what they think of me, because their opinion of me is none of my business. Yet, sometimes I feel like I should make an effort to make these people like me. I don't know whether that's because social protocol condemns introverts or because it's human nature, but it made me feel really uncomfortable for a while. And I felt really alone. Not lonely. Just alone.
I am an extreme introvert. I don't like being in rooms filled with strangers because it means that I have to talk to them. I don't have problems socialising, I know that I can do it well, I just don't like doing it very much. I think that's very different from being 'socially-retarded'.
One day after school, I just felt really insecure. And I genuinely felt like there was something wrong with me. That how I behaved wasn't normal. That how I chose to interact with the world and people wasn't right. I think I started to panic a bit.
I know I'm an introvert so I started with that. It appears that how I feel is normal for people under the same umbrella. What I didn't like was how the articles that I read would say that being an introvert is okay, they would hint in the opposite direction (sorry, all my eloquence has gone out the window due to the lack of writing lately). It was like wearing an ugly dress and having people say to you 'oh, the colour is quite pretty...' 'at least the fabric looks to be of good quality!' when all they're really thinking is 'that's so ugly, but i'll try to find something nice to say to make her feel better.' The articles would go on-and-on about how introverts have higher chances of being financially successful and how they are better employers than their talkative counterparts, but it all ended up being some mediocre way of saying 'Here are the benefits of being socially inept.' So, reading those articles made me feel better because I knew I wasn't alone but it made me feel bad as well because I felt like I had just labelled myself as a social outcast.
I hope no one misunderstands this. I don't hate people and I don't like it when people dislike me. But at the same time, I don't put extra effort into making people like me. I am what I am and people are either going to accept that or they don't and that's up to them.
In the end, I just reminded myself of what I promised myself to always be. I never want to be someone that I don't want to be. I never want to look at myself and feel that, somewhere along the track, I lost myself.
I just finished reading a book called 'The Perks of Being a Wallflower' about 30 minutes ago. I read it in less than a day. Let me just say that even though I know the characters are fictional, I've never understood a character more. He just felt like me in a lot of ways. He was a wallflower. I can't explain it all too well as I'm still letting the effect of the book sink in, but if you've read it, I think you'll know what I mean by that.
I am a wallflower. And there's nothing wrong with that.
There are moments when I lapse and lose sight of who I am because of the pressure of the society and culture around me. I know that people think I'm strange because I prefer reading a good book to a night out and that I'm 22 without a partner. I suppose it doesn't matter to me what they think. I don't do things unless they feel right. I think that's a more important reason to do something than because you feel pressured to by your environment.
Listen to music that makes your heart stop. Read something that makes you pause and think. What does this will be different for everyone and it's something that you should accept.
I'm sorry that the writing in this post is so horrible and all over the place. I can't organise my thoughts all that well these days. I guess what I was trying to say was that I felt out of place then realised that feeling like that is okay and that I love being me and being me should be the most important thing. I don't know.
Maybe I just wanted to write something.
I hope you're all well. Hopefully the time between this post and the next won't be as long as the previous.
xx
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