I know, everyone hates exams. But you know when you get to that point of stressed-out-ness that you just feel doomed to failure? That's me right now. There is just so much content to learn... I feel like just bursting into tears! How anyone can learn all this stuff in less than a month is completely beyond me. I've been at it for a week and a half and now it just feels like a bundle of words. My poor friend is planning to somehow study it all in one week! I just don't know how I'm going to manage this one. I still have four days-ish. Unfortunately I have a wedding to go to on Saturday, which is just awful timing. So I have three and a half days and thirty-six hours worth of content? D:
If I told my family then they'd blame my lack of studying while my brother and his kids were in town. Yes, that was a distraction of sorts but I don't think I would've gotten anymore done. If I studied during the day then I wouldn't study at night. I'm pretty sure my procrastinating skills are at work much more during daytime study sessions and I would've been even more behind. I'm where I planned to be at the end of Thursday. It would be nice to be a bit more confident with the content so I plan on working on that over the next few days along with doing questions. I really wanted a 70 for this subject too (yes, I know it's a pretty low aim but I find it so extremely difficult to get good grades at uni altogether!). I suppose upper 60s really wouldn't be so bad but a 70-something would be so nice! :)
I don't even know how to motivate myself right now. I'm just hoping that 3 1/2 days is enough to cram all this knowledge in! I think I felt the same way a few days before my Biotech exam a week ago and that turned out just fine, so I'm hoping and HOPING this one will have a similar outcome!
ARGH! Uni is so painful.
Friday, November 19, 2010
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
LNM #3
LNM #3
Konstantine
So on this late night, I find myself thinking about and humming this favourite song of mine: Konstantine. When people ask me if I have a favourite song (which is usually asked by a 10 year old anyway) I almost always say: Konstantine. Despite being fairly old now, it remains one of the most beautiful songs I have ever heard. The story told is so strong and emotional. The music crescendos before dimming to a single voice and piano where the piano gives just as much as the vocalist. Konstantine is an emotional roller-coaster of a song. It's a bittersweet melody at its finest. I could quote so many meaningful lines. Andrew McMahon (who is one of my all time heroes! musically anyway...) is the genius behind it. I just love this song beyond words. The lyrics themselves have so much symbolism yet remain really quite simplistic. I don't really know how to describe it... It's just so emotional and beautiful. I always feel emotional and somewhat sad listening to it. The power of music. :)
It's hard to write out the lyrics beneath because AM sings it with slightly modified lyrics everytime. I've written out the ones to the version that I always listen to; I think it's a live version. The video that I've posted to go with it may not match completely. But please enjoy! :)
I can't imagine all the people that you know,
And the places that you go,
When the lights are turned down low.
And I don't understand all the things you've seen,
But I'm slipping in between,
You and your big... Dreams.
It's always you and my big dreams...
And you tell me that it's over,
But I can't stand,
And the places that you go,
When the lights are turned down low.
And I don't understand all the things you've seen,
But I'm slipping in between,
You and your big... Dreams.
It's always you and my big dreams...
And you tell me that it's over,
But I can't stand,
You're in a patch of four leaf clover,
And you're restless,
And I'm naked,
You've got to get out,
You can't stand to see me shaking,
No, could you let me go?
And you don't want to be here in the future,
So you say, 'The present's just a pleasant interruption to the past.'
And you don't want to look much closer,
'Cause you're afraid to find out all this hope,
That you had sent into the sky by now had... Crashed.
And it did, because of me...
And then you bring me home,
Afraid to find out that you're alone, no,
And I'm sleeping in your living room,
But we don't have much room,
To live.
And I had dreams that I would learn to play guitar,
Maybe cross the country,
Become a rockstar.
And there was hope in me,
That I could take you there,
But dammit you're so young,
But I don't think I care.
And if I hurt you then I'm sorry,
It's just this guilt has got the best of me.
And then you bring me home,
'Cause we both know what its like to be alone, no,
And I'm dreaming in your living room,
But we don't have much room,
To live.
Konstantine came walking down the stairs,
Doesn't she look good,
Standing in her underwear?
And I've been thinking, and I've thinking, no,
She's been drinking and it doesn't get me anywhere.
My Konstantine came walking down the stairs,
And all that I could do was touch her long blond hair,
And I was thinking, what I was thinking ya know,
We've been drinking and it doesn't get me anywhere.
This is because I can spell confusion with a K and it's hard to like it,
It's to dying in another's arms and why I had to try it,
It's to Jimmy Eat World and those nights in my car,
But this time I'm alone and I don't see those stars,
I'm not your star?
Isn't that what you said?
What you thought this song meant?
You thought this song meant.
And if this is what it takes,
Just to lie in my mistakes,
And live with what I did to you,
And all the things I put you through,
I always catch the clock it's 11:11,
And now you want to talk,
It's not hard to dream,
You'll always be my Konstantine.
They'll never hurt you like I do.
This is to a girl who got into my head,
With all these pretty things she did,
Hey baby, you know, that you keep me up in bed.
It's to a girl who got into my head,
With all these fucked up things I did,
Hey maybe, baby, you could keep me up in bed,
My Konstantine...
Spin around me like a dream,
We played out on this movie screen,
And I said,
'Did you know I've missed you?'
God, I miss you...
And then you bring me home,
And we'll go to sleep but this time not alone, no no,
And you'll kiss me in your living room, oh,
And you see, no, that I've been missing in my living room,
And you're restless,
And I'm naked,
You've got to get out,
You can't stand to see me shaking,
No, could you let me go?
And you don't want to be here in the future,
So you say, 'The present's just a pleasant interruption to the past.'
And you don't want to look much closer,
'Cause you're afraid to find out all this hope,
That you had sent into the sky by now had... Crashed.
And it did, because of me...
And then you bring me home,
Afraid to find out that you're alone, no,
And I'm sleeping in your living room,
But we don't have much room,
To live.
And I had dreams that I would learn to play guitar,
Maybe cross the country,
Become a rockstar.
And there was hope in me,
That I could take you there,
But dammit you're so young,
But I don't think I care.
And if I hurt you then I'm sorry,
It's just this guilt has got the best of me.
And then you bring me home,
'Cause we both know what its like to be alone, no,
And I'm dreaming in your living room,
But we don't have much room,
To live.
Konstantine came walking down the stairs,
Doesn't she look good,
Standing in her underwear?
And I've been thinking, and I've thinking, no,
She's been drinking and it doesn't get me anywhere.
My Konstantine came walking down the stairs,
And all that I could do was touch her long blond hair,
And I was thinking, what I was thinking ya know,
We've been drinking and it doesn't get me anywhere.
This is because I can spell confusion with a K and it's hard to like it,
It's to dying in another's arms and why I had to try it,
It's to Jimmy Eat World and those nights in my car,
But this time I'm alone and I don't see those stars,
I'm not your star?
Isn't that what you said?
What you thought this song meant?
You thought this song meant.
And if this is what it takes,
Just to lie in my mistakes,
And live with what I did to you,
And all the things I put you through,
I always catch the clock it's 11:11,
And now you want to talk,
It's not hard to dream,
You'll always be my Konstantine.
They'll never hurt you like I do.
This is to a girl who got into my head,
With all these pretty things she did,
Hey baby, you know, that you keep me up in bed.
It's to a girl who got into my head,
With all these fucked up things I did,
Hey maybe, baby, you could keep me up in bed,
My Konstantine...
Spin around me like a dream,
We played out on this movie screen,
And I said,
'Did you know I've missed you?'
God, I miss you...
And then you bring me home,
And we'll go to sleep but this time not alone, no no,
And you'll kiss me in your living room, oh,
And you see, no, that I've been missing in my living room,
Because it's all you.
'Cause this is what I miss, what I miss...
'Cause this is what I miss, what I miss...
We don't have much room...
I said, does anybody really need that room?
Because we all need a little bit of room
To live.
My Konstantine.
- Konstantine by Something Corporate
Monday, November 15, 2010
Knives & Flowers
i'm sure you would've all been expecting one of my random changes of location and name for a little while now. WELL, it is my pleasure to present to you: Knives & Flowers.
the title is taken from the combination of two characters names from the Scott Pilgrim comics/movie: Knives Chau and Ramona Flowers. The two characters represent opposites in many ways and so do knives and flowers. My mood (reflected in my writing) can vary enormous degrees so it was only fitting that i gave the blog a similar title. i also changed the actual design to a more simplistic one to represent a blank canvas. this blog is kind of the blank canvas that i write my life upon.
i hope you like it! more posts soon after exams!
xx.
the title is taken from the combination of two characters names from the Scott Pilgrim comics/movie: Knives Chau and Ramona Flowers. The two characters represent opposites in many ways and so do knives and flowers. My mood (reflected in my writing) can vary enormous degrees so it was only fitting that i gave the blog a similar title. i also changed the actual design to a more simplistic one to represent a blank canvas. this blog is kind of the blank canvas that i write my life upon.
i hope you like it! more posts soon after exams!
xx.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
annoying much?
sometimes people say things that just annoy me. especially when they have no reason or ground to their argument. really, why say it at all?
Monday, November 8, 2010
carey mulligan inspired
as you all know, i've been needing a haircut for QUITE SOME TIME now... there's a part of me that still loves short hair but another that's craving for a bit of a change. my obsession with carey mulligan continues and i was just so thrilled to hear that she was awarded best dressed woman of 2010 by harper's bazaar magazine! go carey! she really is quite beautiful and her style is so classic chic! i've been eyeing her hairstyles for months, hoping that i could see a potential new 'me' in one of them. i think i may have found one. i first saw it about a month ago and thought 'hey, that looks really lovely...' but didn't think much about it. i'm about 80% settled now. it's nothing exciting... probably the most simple and classic cut i've had for years. it's following victoria beckham pob and ruby rose pixie cuts. i feel kind of weird settling on something that looks so simple and... well... AVERAGE, i guess to some degree. you get a bit used to standing out sometimes. especially when your hair has been distinguishing you from everyone else for the last handful of years. but i think this new cut (which i haven't even completely settled upon getting) looks super pretty on miss mulligan! so pretty to the point where it PERHAPS makes a somewhat ordinary cut look EXTRAordinary? (pardon the awful play on words... exhaustion hasn't quite left me left!)
so you actually know what i'm talking about, here are some pictures of carey:
so you actually know what i'm talking about, here are some pictures of carey:
i'll keep you posted on the proceedings! :D
xx.
Sunday, November 7, 2010
exhaustion.
i think a week of 4am bedtimes and 12pm wakeups have finally taken their toll. i'm feeling completely disgusting and exhausted. my legs are aching for no reason, my nose is running, my throat is sore and i feel vaguely like i'm going to throw up. *sneezes*
BUT BIOTECH STUDYING MUST GO ON! just for another 30 minutes or so... i'll stop at 1:15am, i promise.
on the bright side, i managed to write my entire politics essay today without stressing out. that's a first for me since i began uni. :D
i hope everyone is had a lovely day today!
xx.
BUT BIOTECH STUDYING MUST GO ON! just for another 30 minutes or so... i'll stop at 1:15am, i promise.
on the bright side, i managed to write my entire politics essay today without stressing out. that's a first for me since i began uni. :D
i hope everyone is had a lovely day today!
xx.
Friday, November 5, 2010
LNM #2
LNM #2
Anthems for a Seventeen Year Old Girl
I came across this song on the Scott Pilgrim OST and never paid much attention to it til after I watched the movie. No idea why or how that happened. This song is musically beautiful and the repetitious lyrics become quite haunting. Most people have a different interpretation for the lyrics and I find that most of them are quite valid. My reading of it, before reading those of others, was that the song is about a guy that used to know a girl before she changed to try to fit in with a different crowd. He's now thinking to himself that she can never have him ever again because of what has happened. She used to be an individual but now she's just conforming to fit in with everyone else. It was because she was an individual that he liked her in the first place: 'Used to be one of the rotten ones, and I liked you for that.' Now she's trying to fit in: 'Bleaching your teeth, smiling flash, talking trash...' He's thinking to himself the day that she realises she's not who she wants to be, it'll be too late and he can only be a dream to her when she feels upset and restless about who she has become: 'Park that car, drop that phone, sleep on the floor, dream about me.' As the song progresses, it feels like the narrator is regretting his loss less and less. Almost as if to come to an acceptance that the moment has passed. Towards the beginning, he asks 'can't you come back?' But by the end it's just an acknowledgement that the girl is not coming back.
It's such a hauntingly beautiful song... It just really makes you think. The slow buildup of the music with the never changing tone of the vocalist (who is Emily Haines from Metric) is just mesmerising. The banjo and strings are a wonderful addition. It's as though the feelings become stronger, more confident as the song progresses. The song definitely has a melancholic or nostalgic vibe to it. It's just really amazing.
Don't change who you are for other people because then you'll lose what is most important to you.
P.S. I'll be adding the video and lyrics to each LNM from now on. :)
Used to be one of the rotten ones and he liked you for that.
Used to be one of the rotten ones and I liked you for that.
Now you're all gone, got your makeup on and you're not coming back.
Can't you come back?
Used to be one of the rotten ones and I liked you for that.
Now you're all gone, got your makeup on and you're not coming back.
Bleaching your teeth, smiling flash, talking trash, under your breath.
Bleaching your teeth, smiling flash, talking trash, under my window.
Park that car, drop that phone, sleep on the floor, dream about me.
Park that car, drop that phone, park that car, dream about me.
Used to be one of the rotten ones and I liked you for that.
Now you're all gone, got your makeup on and you're not coming back.
- Anthems for a Seventeen Year Old Girl - Broken Social Scene
Scott, if your life had a face, I would punch it.
Hi everyone!
I'm so sorry for the absence of posts! I've just been really caught up in studying and family... Suffering terribly from a headache right now. It's probably due to my weird sleeping pattern at the moment of going to bed at 4am and getting up at 12pm. It feels so messed up! Whole body just ACHES...
Anyway, I FINALLY got around to watching Scott Pilgrim vs. the World. It was really really cool! Visual effects were just really outstanding and of course, Michael Cera. (L) If you haven't seen it, you totally should! It's just really entertaining. :D
I just needed to spill for a bit. I'm so sick of being screwed over people who pretend to care for a month then think it's okay to just abandon you on the side of the road. It's just... really not a nice thing to do. It makes me feel so sick and vulnerable inside. I always tell myself not to get caught up in it but it just happens over and over and you just get so sick and tired of it. Seriously, all you ever try to do is be nice and people just really don't give a damn. For those you have read this blog from the start will know that I've had trouble with these sorts of people quite a bit over the last year or so. I just really didn't need it to happen again so soon. It's just really not fair to treat someone like they mean the world one day and ignore them the next. If I have ever done this to anyone then please accept my apologies now as I never meant to make you feel disposable and mediocre. I just feel like... argh!
This could all be my stressed self writing aimlessly about things that, in my mind, have been amplified. If so, I apologise.
I'll be keeping it short today, have to finishing reading some papers, writing an essay and studying for my first exam on Tuesday. Blegh.
I hope you're all well! :)
xx.
I'm so sorry for the absence of posts! I've just been really caught up in studying and family... Suffering terribly from a headache right now. It's probably due to my weird sleeping pattern at the moment of going to bed at 4am and getting up at 12pm. It feels so messed up! Whole body just ACHES...
Anyway, I FINALLY got around to watching Scott Pilgrim vs. the World. It was really really cool! Visual effects were just really outstanding and of course, Michael Cera. (L) If you haven't seen it, you totally should! It's just really entertaining. :D
I just needed to spill for a bit. I'm so sick of being screwed over people who pretend to care for a month then think it's okay to just abandon you on the side of the road. It's just... really not a nice thing to do. It makes me feel so sick and vulnerable inside. I always tell myself not to get caught up in it but it just happens over and over and you just get so sick and tired of it. Seriously, all you ever try to do is be nice and people just really don't give a damn. For those you have read this blog from the start will know that I've had trouble with these sorts of people quite a bit over the last year or so. I just really didn't need it to happen again so soon. It's just really not fair to treat someone like they mean the world one day and ignore them the next. If I have ever done this to anyone then please accept my apologies now as I never meant to make you feel disposable and mediocre. I just feel like... argh!
This could all be my stressed self writing aimlessly about things that, in my mind, have been amplified. If so, I apologise.
I'll be keeping it short today, have to finishing reading some papers, writing an essay and studying for my first exam on Tuesday. Blegh.
I hope you're all well! :)
xx.
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