to that kid.

it's been 1.75 years and i still miss you.

i wish you were here to make me laugh and hug me when i feel sad.

you are everywhere and no where at the same time.

if only you were still here.

i hate that you never understood how important you were to everyone.

but i hate most that i didn't try hard enough for you to.



i just really miss you.



  

And with a quivering lip he wound up the whole by adding, "Poor Fanny! she would not have forgotten him so soon!"

   "No," replied Anne, in a low, feeling voice, "that, I can easily believe."

   "It was not in her nature. She doated on him."

   "It would not be the nature of any woman who truly loved."

   Captain Harville smiled, as much as to say, "Do you claim that for your sex?" and she answered the question, smiling also, "Yes. We certainly do not forget you so soon as you forget us. It is, perhaps, our fate rather than our merit. We cannot help ourselves. We live at home, quiet, confined, and our feelings prey upon us. You are forced on exertion. You have always a profession, pursuits, business of some sort or other, to take you back into the world immediately, and continual occupation and change soon weaken impressions."

   "Granting your assertion that the world does all this so soon for men (which, however, I do not think I shall grant), it does not apply to Benwick. He has not been forced upon any exertion. The peace turned him on shore at the very moment, and he has been living with us, in our little family circle, ever since."

   "True," said Anne, "very true; I did not recollect; but what shall we say now, Captain Harville? If the change be not from outward circumstances, it must be from within; it must be nature, man's nature, which has done the business for Captain Benwick."

   "No, no, it is not man's nature. I will not allow it to be more man's nature than woman's to be inconstant and forget those they do love, or have loved. I believe the reverse. I believe in a true analogy between our bodily frames and our mental; and that as our bodies are the strongest, so are our feelings; capable of bearing most rough usage, and riding out the heaviest weather."

   "Your feelings may be the strongest," replied Anne, "but the same spirit of analogy will authorise me to assert that ours are the most tender. Man is more robust than woman, but he is not longer lived; which exactly explains my view of the nature of their attachments. Nay, it would be too hard upon you, if it were otherwise. You have difficulties, and privations, and dangers enough to struggle with. You are always labouring and toiling, exposed to every risk and hardship. Your home, country, friends, all quitted. Neither time, nor health, nor life, to be called your own. It would be too hard, indeed" (with a faltering voice), "if woman's feelings were to be added to all this."

- Persuasion, Jane Austen.

so maybe i'm an emotional sort of person

feeling like a massive girly-girl tonight.

i thought something bad had happened to someone who didn't reply to my text message. they replied and i feel angry and happy at the same time that i'm crying like a dork.

jimmy.

I have this friend that I used to be pretty tight with. I met him and his friends when I was 15, and they had all just graduated from high school. I used to hang out and go to gigs with them a lot despite being a bit younger, so we were all pretty close. He and I haven't really spoken that much in the last few years (nothing to blame but busy schedules and life), but I receive sporadic messages from him every 6 months or so if one of our favourite artists has released a new song/album/comes to town. It's really cool to have a friend that is into the same music that you are.

Anyway, the last time I heard from him was about Andrew McMahon's new album some months ago. I randomly received a message from him just then:

'At jimmy eat world.'
'What.'
'Are you?'
'No! D:  Dammit, I missed them again??'
'I'll call you for this heaven song. If they play it. It's futures 10 year anniversary.'
'Yes please! My faaave!'
'I knew it.'


It's interesting when you realise that some things never change.
Currently feeling really glad that this guy is (was?) a part of my life and for all those times we got together to dance like crazy or to stuff our faces with mexicrinkles.

And now people talk to me, I’m slipping out of reach now.

People talk to me, and all their faces blur.

But I got my fingers laced together and I made a little prison,

And I’m locking up everyone who ever laid a finger on me.

I’m done with it.

snippets.

• this writer: i think she's fairly amazing. i can relate to both pieces a lot. some sentiments expressed in the second are just... perfect. those last two paragraphs.

1.  Hush.
2. I Will Never Love You As Much As I Love Books.

• exams this morning sucked.


• 10 days of almost complete isolation from the outside world has given me more inner peace and calm than i've felt in a really long time. i feel happy. 


• the moment when a friend smiles at you and you realise that they might just be the most beautiful person you've ever known.


• you can't pretend to be someone you're not. or you can, but it might lead to sporadic emotional breakdowns.


• that tea tree oil i've been sampling is to blame for the recently appearing funny lumps on my forehead. i think. reverted back to snail bee essence and they're going away. snail slime, i'll never doubt you again.


• attention does not equal friendship, but loyalty and emotional support do. thank you to that girl that loves me even when i don't deserve it. who realises when i'm a mess and doesn't judge but holds my hand instead. thank you for knowing what to say and do when i'm a step away from the tracks. thank you for the hugs. thanks for telling me i have a great butt. thank you for being an amazing source of emotional strength, even if you don't realise it. i'll never let anyone question you again. 


• 2014 was meant to be my year. academically it's been an absolute failure. but emotionally it's been an amazing adventure of self-discovery. still two months to go. 


• lies destroy friendships. simple.


• green tea mango mantra wasn't that great.


• i'm sorry if you got even a tiny bit emotionally attached. it wasn't meant to be like this. it was meant to be nothing or everything, and if anyone ended up hurt and/or confused it was supposed to be me. it's unfortunate that other parties became involved. you sported my favourite look (though the red was a bit much), and i couldn't stop staring, but your scathing glances hurt every time we made eye contact. i hope you don't think i'm a terrible person, and that you ignore what they say. you barely know me. it's just been confusing. i wish it wasn't like this. i wish we knew each other better. i wish it was more than just expected courtesies in the corridor. i'm really sorry. i hope you'll still take me away with you when this is all over. you promised.


• sometimes you have to be selfish for your own health.


• i need to try a magic next time at vincents.


• i guess i like affection, but all those kisses were a bit overwhelming.


• to the champ who understands what i need to hear when my outlook is stained. there's a reason why i feel you're a kindred spirit. thank you for holding me even though you hate doing it. i was surprised by your strength, warmth and profound understanding. i love you more than i can understand. we'll definitely try the mysterious pineapple next time.