Thursday, December 30, 2010
this crap that is my life.
i just don't think i can handle it with an eternal smile on my face, pretending nothing is wrong, anymore. if i get upset, then i apologise but i can't hold it in as well as others do.
Friday, November 19, 2010
i hate exams
I know, everyone hates exams. But you know when you get to that point of stressed-out-ness that you just feel doomed to failure? That's me right now. There is just so much content to learn... I feel like just bursting into tears! How anyone can learn all this stuff in less than a month is completely beyond me. I've been at it for a week and a half and now it just feels like a bundle of words. My poor friend is planning to somehow study it all in one week! I just don't know how I'm going to manage this one. I still have four days-ish. Unfortunately I have a wedding to go to on Saturday, which is just awful timing. So I have three and a half days and thirty-six hours worth of content? D:
If I told my family then they'd blame my lack of studying while my brother and his kids were in town. Yes, that was a distraction of sorts but I don't think I would've gotten anymore done. If I studied during the day then I wouldn't study at night. I'm pretty sure my procrastinating skills are at work much more during daytime study sessions and I would've been even more behind. I'm where I planned to be at the end of Thursday. It would be nice to be a bit more confident with the content so I plan on working on that over the next few days along with doing questions. I really wanted a 70 for this subject too (yes, I know it's a pretty low aim but I find it so extremely difficult to get good grades at uni altogether!). I suppose upper 60s really wouldn't be so bad but a 70-something would be so nice! :)
I don't even know how to motivate myself right now. I'm just hoping that 3 1/2 days is enough to cram all this knowledge in! I think I felt the same way a few days before my Biotech exam a week ago and that turned out just fine, so I'm hoping and HOPING this one will have a similar outcome!
ARGH! Uni is so painful.
If I told my family then they'd blame my lack of studying while my brother and his kids were in town. Yes, that was a distraction of sorts but I don't think I would've gotten anymore done. If I studied during the day then I wouldn't study at night. I'm pretty sure my procrastinating skills are at work much more during daytime study sessions and I would've been even more behind. I'm where I planned to be at the end of Thursday. It would be nice to be a bit more confident with the content so I plan on working on that over the next few days along with doing questions. I really wanted a 70 for this subject too (yes, I know it's a pretty low aim but I find it so extremely difficult to get good grades at uni altogether!). I suppose upper 60s really wouldn't be so bad but a 70-something would be so nice! :)
I don't even know how to motivate myself right now. I'm just hoping that 3 1/2 days is enough to cram all this knowledge in! I think I felt the same way a few days before my Biotech exam a week ago and that turned out just fine, so I'm hoping and HOPING this one will have a similar outcome!
ARGH! Uni is so painful.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
LNM #3
LNM #3
Konstantine
So on this late night, I find myself thinking about and humming this favourite song of mine: Konstantine. When people ask me if I have a favourite song (which is usually asked by a 10 year old anyway) I almost always say: Konstantine. Despite being fairly old now, it remains one of the most beautiful songs I have ever heard. The story told is so strong and emotional. The music crescendos before dimming to a single voice and piano where the piano gives just as much as the vocalist. Konstantine is an emotional roller-coaster of a song. It's a bittersweet melody at its finest. I could quote so many meaningful lines. Andrew McMahon (who is one of my all time heroes! musically anyway...) is the genius behind it. I just love this song beyond words. The lyrics themselves have so much symbolism yet remain really quite simplistic. I don't really know how to describe it... It's just so emotional and beautiful. I always feel emotional and somewhat sad listening to it. The power of music. :)
It's hard to write out the lyrics beneath because AM sings it with slightly modified lyrics everytime. I've written out the ones to the version that I always listen to; I think it's a live version. The video that I've posted to go with it may not match completely. But please enjoy! :)
I can't imagine all the people that you know,
And the places that you go,
When the lights are turned down low.
And I don't understand all the things you've seen,
But I'm slipping in between,
You and your big... Dreams.
It's always you and my big dreams...
And you tell me that it's over,
But I can't stand,
And the places that you go,
When the lights are turned down low.
And I don't understand all the things you've seen,
But I'm slipping in between,
You and your big... Dreams.
It's always you and my big dreams...
And you tell me that it's over,
But I can't stand,
You're in a patch of four leaf clover,
And you're restless,
And I'm naked,
You've got to get out,
You can't stand to see me shaking,
No, could you let me go?
And you don't want to be here in the future,
So you say, 'The present's just a pleasant interruption to the past.'
And you don't want to look much closer,
'Cause you're afraid to find out all this hope,
That you had sent into the sky by now had... Crashed.
And it did, because of me...
And then you bring me home,
Afraid to find out that you're alone, no,
And I'm sleeping in your living room,
But we don't have much room,
To live.
And I had dreams that I would learn to play guitar,
Maybe cross the country,
Become a rockstar.
And there was hope in me,
That I could take you there,
But dammit you're so young,
But I don't think I care.
And if I hurt you then I'm sorry,
It's just this guilt has got the best of me.
And then you bring me home,
'Cause we both know what its like to be alone, no,
And I'm dreaming in your living room,
But we don't have much room,
To live.
Konstantine came walking down the stairs,
Doesn't she look good,
Standing in her underwear?
And I've been thinking, and I've thinking, no,
She's been drinking and it doesn't get me anywhere.
My Konstantine came walking down the stairs,
And all that I could do was touch her long blond hair,
And I was thinking, what I was thinking ya know,
We've been drinking and it doesn't get me anywhere.
This is because I can spell confusion with a K and it's hard to like it,
It's to dying in another's arms and why I had to try it,
It's to Jimmy Eat World and those nights in my car,
But this time I'm alone and I don't see those stars,
I'm not your star?
Isn't that what you said?
What you thought this song meant?
You thought this song meant.
And if this is what it takes,
Just to lie in my mistakes,
And live with what I did to you,
And all the things I put you through,
I always catch the clock it's 11:11,
And now you want to talk,
It's not hard to dream,
You'll always be my Konstantine.
They'll never hurt you like I do.
This is to a girl who got into my head,
With all these pretty things she did,
Hey baby, you know, that you keep me up in bed.
It's to a girl who got into my head,
With all these fucked up things I did,
Hey maybe, baby, you could keep me up in bed,
My Konstantine...
Spin around me like a dream,
We played out on this movie screen,
And I said,
'Did you know I've missed you?'
God, I miss you...
And then you bring me home,
And we'll go to sleep but this time not alone, no no,
And you'll kiss me in your living room, oh,
And you see, no, that I've been missing in my living room,
And you're restless,
And I'm naked,
You've got to get out,
You can't stand to see me shaking,
No, could you let me go?
And you don't want to be here in the future,
So you say, 'The present's just a pleasant interruption to the past.'
And you don't want to look much closer,
'Cause you're afraid to find out all this hope,
That you had sent into the sky by now had... Crashed.
And it did, because of me...
And then you bring me home,
Afraid to find out that you're alone, no,
And I'm sleeping in your living room,
But we don't have much room,
To live.
And I had dreams that I would learn to play guitar,
Maybe cross the country,
Become a rockstar.
And there was hope in me,
That I could take you there,
But dammit you're so young,
But I don't think I care.
And if I hurt you then I'm sorry,
It's just this guilt has got the best of me.
And then you bring me home,
'Cause we both know what its like to be alone, no,
And I'm dreaming in your living room,
But we don't have much room,
To live.
Konstantine came walking down the stairs,
Doesn't she look good,
Standing in her underwear?
And I've been thinking, and I've thinking, no,
She's been drinking and it doesn't get me anywhere.
My Konstantine came walking down the stairs,
And all that I could do was touch her long blond hair,
And I was thinking, what I was thinking ya know,
We've been drinking and it doesn't get me anywhere.
This is because I can spell confusion with a K and it's hard to like it,
It's to dying in another's arms and why I had to try it,
It's to Jimmy Eat World and those nights in my car,
But this time I'm alone and I don't see those stars,
I'm not your star?
Isn't that what you said?
What you thought this song meant?
You thought this song meant.
And if this is what it takes,
Just to lie in my mistakes,
And live with what I did to you,
And all the things I put you through,
I always catch the clock it's 11:11,
And now you want to talk,
It's not hard to dream,
You'll always be my Konstantine.
They'll never hurt you like I do.
This is to a girl who got into my head,
With all these pretty things she did,
Hey baby, you know, that you keep me up in bed.
It's to a girl who got into my head,
With all these fucked up things I did,
Hey maybe, baby, you could keep me up in bed,
My Konstantine...
Spin around me like a dream,
We played out on this movie screen,
And I said,
'Did you know I've missed you?'
God, I miss you...
And then you bring me home,
And we'll go to sleep but this time not alone, no no,
And you'll kiss me in your living room, oh,
And you see, no, that I've been missing in my living room,
Because it's all you.
'Cause this is what I miss, what I miss...
'Cause this is what I miss, what I miss...
We don't have much room...
I said, does anybody really need that room?
Because we all need a little bit of room
To live.
My Konstantine.
- Konstantine by Something Corporate
Monday, November 15, 2010
Knives & Flowers
i'm sure you would've all been expecting one of my random changes of location and name for a little while now. WELL, it is my pleasure to present to you: Knives & Flowers.
the title is taken from the combination of two characters names from the Scott Pilgrim comics/movie: Knives Chau and Ramona Flowers. The two characters represent opposites in many ways and so do knives and flowers. My mood (reflected in my writing) can vary enormous degrees so it was only fitting that i gave the blog a similar title. i also changed the actual design to a more simplistic one to represent a blank canvas. this blog is kind of the blank canvas that i write my life upon.
i hope you like it! more posts soon after exams!
xx.
the title is taken from the combination of two characters names from the Scott Pilgrim comics/movie: Knives Chau and Ramona Flowers. The two characters represent opposites in many ways and so do knives and flowers. My mood (reflected in my writing) can vary enormous degrees so it was only fitting that i gave the blog a similar title. i also changed the actual design to a more simplistic one to represent a blank canvas. this blog is kind of the blank canvas that i write my life upon.
i hope you like it! more posts soon after exams!
xx.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
annoying much?
sometimes people say things that just annoy me. especially when they have no reason or ground to their argument. really, why say it at all?
Monday, November 8, 2010
carey mulligan inspired
as you all know, i've been needing a haircut for QUITE SOME TIME now... there's a part of me that still loves short hair but another that's craving for a bit of a change. my obsession with carey mulligan continues and i was just so thrilled to hear that she was awarded best dressed woman of 2010 by harper's bazaar magazine! go carey! she really is quite beautiful and her style is so classic chic! i've been eyeing her hairstyles for months, hoping that i could see a potential new 'me' in one of them. i think i may have found one. i first saw it about a month ago and thought 'hey, that looks really lovely...' but didn't think much about it. i'm about 80% settled now. it's nothing exciting... probably the most simple and classic cut i've had for years. it's following victoria beckham pob and ruby rose pixie cuts. i feel kind of weird settling on something that looks so simple and... well... AVERAGE, i guess to some degree. you get a bit used to standing out sometimes. especially when your hair has been distinguishing you from everyone else for the last handful of years. but i think this new cut (which i haven't even completely settled upon getting) looks super pretty on miss mulligan! so pretty to the point where it PERHAPS makes a somewhat ordinary cut look EXTRAordinary? (pardon the awful play on words... exhaustion hasn't quite left me left!)
so you actually know what i'm talking about, here are some pictures of carey:
so you actually know what i'm talking about, here are some pictures of carey:
i'll keep you posted on the proceedings! :D
xx.
Sunday, November 7, 2010
exhaustion.
i think a week of 4am bedtimes and 12pm wakeups have finally taken their toll. i'm feeling completely disgusting and exhausted. my legs are aching for no reason, my nose is running, my throat is sore and i feel vaguely like i'm going to throw up. *sneezes*
BUT BIOTECH STUDYING MUST GO ON! just for another 30 minutes or so... i'll stop at 1:15am, i promise.
on the bright side, i managed to write my entire politics essay today without stressing out. that's a first for me since i began uni. :D
i hope everyone is had a lovely day today!
xx.
BUT BIOTECH STUDYING MUST GO ON! just for another 30 minutes or so... i'll stop at 1:15am, i promise.
on the bright side, i managed to write my entire politics essay today without stressing out. that's a first for me since i began uni. :D
i hope everyone is had a lovely day today!
xx.
Friday, November 5, 2010
LNM #2
LNM #2
Anthems for a Seventeen Year Old Girl
I came across this song on the Scott Pilgrim OST and never paid much attention to it til after I watched the movie. No idea why or how that happened. This song is musically beautiful and the repetitious lyrics become quite haunting. Most people have a different interpretation for the lyrics and I find that most of them are quite valid. My reading of it, before reading those of others, was that the song is about a guy that used to know a girl before she changed to try to fit in with a different crowd. He's now thinking to himself that she can never have him ever again because of what has happened. She used to be an individual but now she's just conforming to fit in with everyone else. It was because she was an individual that he liked her in the first place: 'Used to be one of the rotten ones, and I liked you for that.' Now she's trying to fit in: 'Bleaching your teeth, smiling flash, talking trash...' He's thinking to himself the day that she realises she's not who she wants to be, it'll be too late and he can only be a dream to her when she feels upset and restless about who she has become: 'Park that car, drop that phone, sleep on the floor, dream about me.' As the song progresses, it feels like the narrator is regretting his loss less and less. Almost as if to come to an acceptance that the moment has passed. Towards the beginning, he asks 'can't you come back?' But by the end it's just an acknowledgement that the girl is not coming back.
It's such a hauntingly beautiful song... It just really makes you think. The slow buildup of the music with the never changing tone of the vocalist (who is Emily Haines from Metric) is just mesmerising. The banjo and strings are a wonderful addition. It's as though the feelings become stronger, more confident as the song progresses. The song definitely has a melancholic or nostalgic vibe to it. It's just really amazing.
Don't change who you are for other people because then you'll lose what is most important to you.
P.S. I'll be adding the video and lyrics to each LNM from now on. :)
Used to be one of the rotten ones and he liked you for that.
Used to be one of the rotten ones and I liked you for that.
Now you're all gone, got your makeup on and you're not coming back.
Can't you come back?
Used to be one of the rotten ones and I liked you for that.
Now you're all gone, got your makeup on and you're not coming back.
Bleaching your teeth, smiling flash, talking trash, under your breath.
Bleaching your teeth, smiling flash, talking trash, under my window.
Park that car, drop that phone, sleep on the floor, dream about me.
Park that car, drop that phone, park that car, dream about me.
Used to be one of the rotten ones and I liked you for that.
Now you're all gone, got your makeup on and you're not coming back.
- Anthems for a Seventeen Year Old Girl - Broken Social Scene
Scott, if your life had a face, I would punch it.
Hi everyone!
I'm so sorry for the absence of posts! I've just been really caught up in studying and family... Suffering terribly from a headache right now. It's probably due to my weird sleeping pattern at the moment of going to bed at 4am and getting up at 12pm. It feels so messed up! Whole body just ACHES...
Anyway, I FINALLY got around to watching Scott Pilgrim vs. the World. It was really really cool! Visual effects were just really outstanding and of course, Michael Cera. (L) If you haven't seen it, you totally should! It's just really entertaining. :D
I just needed to spill for a bit. I'm so sick of being screwed over people who pretend to care for a month then think it's okay to just abandon you on the side of the road. It's just... really not a nice thing to do. It makes me feel so sick and vulnerable inside. I always tell myself not to get caught up in it but it just happens over and over and you just get so sick and tired of it. Seriously, all you ever try to do is be nice and people just really don't give a damn. For those you have read this blog from the start will know that I've had trouble with these sorts of people quite a bit over the last year or so. I just really didn't need it to happen again so soon. It's just really not fair to treat someone like they mean the world one day and ignore them the next. If I have ever done this to anyone then please accept my apologies now as I never meant to make you feel disposable and mediocre. I just feel like... argh!
This could all be my stressed self writing aimlessly about things that, in my mind, have been amplified. If so, I apologise.
I'll be keeping it short today, have to finishing reading some papers, writing an essay and studying for my first exam on Tuesday. Blegh.
I hope you're all well! :)
xx.
I'm so sorry for the absence of posts! I've just been really caught up in studying and family... Suffering terribly from a headache right now. It's probably due to my weird sleeping pattern at the moment of going to bed at 4am and getting up at 12pm. It feels so messed up! Whole body just ACHES...
Anyway, I FINALLY got around to watching Scott Pilgrim vs. the World. It was really really cool! Visual effects were just really outstanding and of course, Michael Cera. (L) If you haven't seen it, you totally should! It's just really entertaining. :D
I just needed to spill for a bit. I'm so sick of being screwed over people who pretend to care for a month then think it's okay to just abandon you on the side of the road. It's just... really not a nice thing to do. It makes me feel so sick and vulnerable inside. I always tell myself not to get caught up in it but it just happens over and over and you just get so sick and tired of it. Seriously, all you ever try to do is be nice and people just really don't give a damn. For those you have read this blog from the start will know that I've had trouble with these sorts of people quite a bit over the last year or so. I just really didn't need it to happen again so soon. It's just really not fair to treat someone like they mean the world one day and ignore them the next. If I have ever done this to anyone then please accept my apologies now as I never meant to make you feel disposable and mediocre. I just feel like... argh!
This could all be my stressed self writing aimlessly about things that, in my mind, have been amplified. If so, I apologise.
I'll be keeping it short today, have to finishing reading some papers, writing an essay and studying for my first exam on Tuesday. Blegh.
I hope you're all well! :)
xx.
Friday, October 29, 2010
if i ever get married...
... this will be my wedding song. :)
Valentine by Kina Grannis
Love, it's a special day.
We should celebrate,
And appreciate,
That you and me, found something pretty neat,
And i know some say this day is arbitrary...
But it's a good excuse to put our love to use,
Baby I know what to do,
Baby I will love you,
I'll love you, I'll love you.
Love, I don't need those things,
I don't need no ring,
I don't need anything,
But you with me, cause in your company,
I feel happy,
Oh so happy and complete
And it's a good excuse to put our love to use
Baby I know what to do,
Baby I will love you,
I'll love you, I'll love you.
So won't you be my honey bee,
Giving me kisses all the time?
Be mine,
Be my valentine...
So won't you be my honey bee,
Giving sweet kisses all the time?
Be mine, be my valentine...
So sweeeet! :)
Normal and proper posts back soon! Have a lovely weekend!
xx.
Valentine by Kina Grannis
Love, it's a special day.
We should celebrate,
And appreciate,
That you and me, found something pretty neat,
And i know some say this day is arbitrary...
But it's a good excuse to put our love to use,
Baby I know what to do,
Baby I will love you,
I'll love you, I'll love you.
Love, I don't need those things,
I don't need no ring,
I don't need anything,
But you with me, cause in your company,
I feel happy,
Oh so happy and complete
And it's a good excuse to put our love to use
Baby I know what to do,
Baby I will love you,
I'll love you, I'll love you.
So won't you be my honey bee,
Giving me kisses all the time?
Be mine,
Be my valentine...
So won't you be my honey bee,
Giving sweet kisses all the time?
Be mine, be my valentine...
So sweeeet! :)
Normal and proper posts back soon! Have a lovely weekend!
xx.
HACKER.
instead of spending this time doing some useful studying, i'm spending it trying to get around the firewalls imposed upon the internet at uni so that i can download torrents. =="
update: can't get it working... has now downloaded all these random programs. wondering whether or not to uninstall everything...
update: can't get it working... has now downloaded all these random programs. wondering whether or not to uninstall everything...
Monday, October 25, 2010
underwater
I'm a car crash but I have to get up and every morning is a clean up.
- Underwater, Tegan and Sara
Sunday, October 24, 2010
why would you dump Carey Mulligan?
stupid Shia LeBeouf. fool. she's adorable!
i think she's so prettyyyy! definitely my favourite actress at the moment. :)
Hi all!
it's 11:35pm on a Sunday night. I should've really gotten started on seriously studying some Pharmacology but I just can't bring myself to. Sure, I've flicked through some of the notes but I haven't sat down and really gone through the material as yet. I'm making wonderful progress on Biotechnology though. I really do love the subject so much! I had a look at it's timetable for next year. It's really unfortunate that they've gone and scheduled its weekly 2-hour lecture from 5-7pm; no one will want to do the subject. It's such a shame... It's a wonderful subject!
I'm in the process of finalising what subjects to do next year. I think I'm going to major in Biomedical Biotechnology with a specialisation in Pharmacology. I'm going to do second year Pathology and third year Molecular Plant Biology as well. I'm not yet completely settled on that second one but it appeals to me the most out of all my options and it will compliment biotech really well.
I think I'm starting to feel stressed about my final assessments. I think that's a good thing, really. It should motivate me to actually make an effort and do well. I'm yet to start on my Politics essay but I hopefully will sometime this week. It's 2000 words so it shouldn't be too bad.
I'm having a sad day today. Not quite sure why. But you know when you have those days where you just feel sad and tired?
I feel a bit lost in my own world.
xx.
i think she's so prettyyyy! definitely my favourite actress at the moment. :)
Hi all!
it's 11:35pm on a Sunday night. I should've really gotten started on seriously studying some Pharmacology but I just can't bring myself to. Sure, I've flicked through some of the notes but I haven't sat down and really gone through the material as yet. I'm making wonderful progress on Biotechnology though. I really do love the subject so much! I had a look at it's timetable for next year. It's really unfortunate that they've gone and scheduled its weekly 2-hour lecture from 5-7pm; no one will want to do the subject. It's such a shame... It's a wonderful subject!
I'm in the process of finalising what subjects to do next year. I think I'm going to major in Biomedical Biotechnology with a specialisation in Pharmacology. I'm going to do second year Pathology and third year Molecular Plant Biology as well. I'm not yet completely settled on that second one but it appeals to me the most out of all my options and it will compliment biotech really well.
I think I'm starting to feel stressed about my final assessments. I think that's a good thing, really. It should motivate me to actually make an effort and do well. I'm yet to start on my Politics essay but I hopefully will sometime this week. It's 2000 words so it shouldn't be too bad.
I'm having a sad day today. Not quite sure why. But you know when you have those days where you just feel sad and tired?
I feel a bit lost in my own world.
xx.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Men.
I came across this on a friend of a friend's page and found it rather funny:
Men.
The nice men are ugly.
The handsome men are not nice.
The handsome and nice men are gay.
The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married.
The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men, have no money.
The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men with money think we are only after their money.
The handsome men without money are after our money.
The handsome men, who are not so nice and somewhat heterosexual, don't think we are beautiful enough.
The men who think we are beautiful, that are heterosexual, somewhat nice and have money, are cowards.
The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice and have some money and thank God are heterosexual, are shy and never make the first move.
The men who never make the first move, automatically lose interest in us when we take the initiative.
Ahh... the truths of life. Hahaha! :D
Men.
The nice men are ugly.
The handsome men are not nice.
The handsome and nice men are gay.
The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married.
The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men, have no money.
The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men with money think we are only after their money.
The handsome men without money are after our money.
The handsome men, who are not so nice and somewhat heterosexual, don't think we are beautiful enough.
The men who think we are beautiful, that are heterosexual, somewhat nice and have money, are cowards.
The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice and have some money and thank God are heterosexual, are shy and never make the first move.
The men who never make the first move, automatically lose interest in us when we take the initiative.
Ahh... the truths of life. Hahaha! :D
shoe dreams
i have to admit that i love looking at shoes. i would've written 'buying' instead but the truth is that i rarely buy shoes, especially heels. i think they look so pretty but i just don't know when i'd wear them...
today i thought i'd share with you just two pairs that have caught my eye recently.
MIU MIU MOCCASIN MARY JANES
I came across these on the gary pepper vintage blog. They are simply amazing! Miu Miu have been consistently pumping out these all these gorgeously designed pumps!! MM shoes tend to have this patent shape to them that i think is so pretty! please buy them for me? :D
JEFFREY CAMPBELL LITAS
I saw these first on gary pepper then it popped up again on fashion toast. Since then, I've been seeing them pretty much every where on the net and now I want a pair! Apparently really comfy shoes. Hard to believe when you look at them. The posts I saw them on are here and here.
I hope everyone is having a lovely week! :)
xx.
today i thought i'd share with you just two pairs that have caught my eye recently.
MIU MIU MOCCASIN MARY JANES
I came across these on the gary pepper vintage blog. They are simply amazing! Miu Miu have been consistently pumping out these all these gorgeously designed pumps!! MM shoes tend to have this patent shape to them that i think is so pretty! please buy them for me? :D
you can check them out here.
JEFFREY CAMPBELL LITAS
Rumi Lenora of fashiontoast.com
Nicole Warne of garypeppervintage.com
I hope everyone is having a lovely week! :)
xx.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
why is naive considered cute?
Spillage time! Even though I THINK I've written about this before.
Okay. Question: why is 'naivety' considered cute? And why do people put on the naive act?
I mean, I can see how it'd be cute sometimes. I have a friend who used to be quite naive but it was okay because she was genuinely so. She wasn't TRYING to be naive and she didn't say silly things so that people would be like: 'AWWW...!' I think there's a massive difference.
I think as you get older there are fewer things you can get away with in that department. You just look stupid. I have another friend and guys tend to find her really cute because she's scared of action movies and has problems expressing emotions other than happiness. It's cute when you're, say, 14. And even that's pushing it. I don't know. Maybe I just feel like it's a complete act. I'm actually kind of glad that I don't see her that often anymore. Even back then I just always felt like asking her to grow up? There's nothing wrong with being positive all the time but when you're at the point where you just seem constantly in-genuine then you just seem... fake? I mean, you can be happy all the time without resorting to making yourself look like a 3 year old.
Maybe I just can't stand people like that. Fake-ness is not cool. Grow up.
p.s. sorry this is so vague. i can't name names or make it too obvious about who i'm talking about. ><"
another post soon! :)
xx.
Okay. Question: why is 'naivety' considered cute? And why do people put on the naive act?
I mean, I can see how it'd be cute sometimes. I have a friend who used to be quite naive but it was okay because she was genuinely so. She wasn't TRYING to be naive and she didn't say silly things so that people would be like: 'AWWW...!' I think there's a massive difference.
I think as you get older there are fewer things you can get away with in that department. You just look stupid. I have another friend and guys tend to find her really cute because she's scared of action movies and has problems expressing emotions other than happiness. It's cute when you're, say, 14. And even that's pushing it. I don't know. Maybe I just feel like it's a complete act. I'm actually kind of glad that I don't see her that often anymore. Even back then I just always felt like asking her to grow up? There's nothing wrong with being positive all the time but when you're at the point where you just seem constantly in-genuine then you just seem... fake? I mean, you can be happy all the time without resorting to making yourself look like a 3 year old.
Maybe I just can't stand people like that. Fake-ness is not cool. Grow up.
p.s. sorry this is so vague. i can't name names or make it too obvious about who i'm talking about. ><"
another post soon! :)
xx.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
what defines us
hi everyone!
i hope everyone is well. :)
today i just thought i'd throw together a quick post before i get crackin' on some studying. exams are freakishly close.
"There's more to life than love and being together."
This line comes from a Tegan and Sara song that I've lately become attached to called 'You Went Away'. Some people, especially at my age, are really hung up on the idea that have to be in a relationship. It's rather often that someone is in a relationship that clearly doesn't work but they stay anyway because they just can't imagine what it would be like to be independent again. I just can't understand why, if you're so unhappy with another person, what makes you want to stay? You're arguing every other day and giving each other the silent treatment. You call each other insulting names and sometimes you're even unfaithful. Why keep it going? It's logical to remove yourself from a relationship if it's not making you happy anymore. It's also logical to do so if you're just causing the other person pain because of your behaviour. But why do people not do this? Why do they condemn themselves to an age of misery and frustration when all the while it's in their power to get away from it all? You only live once and any time lost being unhappy is time truly lost.
A close friend of mine is in a rather interesting situation. I'm going to be completely honest and say she's been in complicated relationships before. Never has she acted in a way that I would've, which makes things very interesting for me as an observer. My advice is always listened to but never acted upon. This is fair enough. I don't claim to have any sort of experience in the area at all. I play the role of the neutral, un-biased third party that just watches from the sidelines. Anyway, this friend of mine is in an unusual situation. She's had a number of 'boyfriends' before. That what she says but I personally don't count relationships before the age of 17 because you really have no idea what you're really doing and it's not serious. Anyway, she started uni and made new friends like everyone else. She became particularly close to one girl who is a homosexual. Next thing I know, they're an item. I had a brief discussion with my friend about it and she said, 'I still like guys and if I wasn't with **** then I'd probably be with a guy right now.' I found this interesting and kind of amusing at the same time because the media was going crazy about LiLo and her girlfriend at the time. I've always been pretty open and okay with homosexuality so I was like, 'Oh okay then. Cool.' What else can you say as a friend? I was actually just happy that she was happy and I told her so. Over time, rifts began to occur between them. My friend would never talk to me about them until it got bad, which I understand. What fascinated me was that the same problem was happening over and over but my friend just decided to ground her feet and be miserable. It profoundly puzzles me as to why anyone would do this.
The other girl has been accused of being unfaithful and this just makes my friend upset and it happens again and again. They fight then don't talk to each other for x number of days and next thing you know they're back together? I'm not exactly saying that there is anything wrong with doing this but I just can't comprehend why you would go through something so energy consuming and frustrating and sleep depriving that has such a small chance of working out in the end to anyones happiness. I once heard someone in a sad relationship say, 'We're unhappy together but we'd be more unhappy apart.' Something doesn't sit right with that for me. So what, you doom yourself to eternal unhappiness?
I think people get caught up in the idea of love and relationships defining them as a person. This probably applies more to girls than to guys because, despite the development and progress of active feminism, girls are still expected to settle down and start a family. Without this, their lives are often said to have no meaning or point. There is always that fear of feeling unwanted, unloved and starved of affection that everyone else but you seem to receive from other people. No one wants to have that sad label of being a 'spinster.' But I just think that there is so much more to life and so many more components to an individual than just love and relationships.
I'm a strong believer in happiness, as most people are. I believe that it is just as important to be happy right now, in the present, as it is to be happy in ten, twenty years time. There is no point to suffering now to try to achieve a goal long-term that may not even make you happy. Despite saying this, I think it's important to still have challenges and goals in life but just don't get stuck in a situation that has no long-term perspective and that has you feeling sad and depressed all the time.
There are so many things that will ultimately define someone as an individual. We should not allow the pursuit of love and affection rule and direct our lives.
xx.
i hope everyone is well. :)
today i just thought i'd throw together a quick post before i get crackin' on some studying. exams are freakishly close.
"There's more to life than love and being together."
This line comes from a Tegan and Sara song that I've lately become attached to called 'You Went Away'. Some people, especially at my age, are really hung up on the idea that have to be in a relationship. It's rather often that someone is in a relationship that clearly doesn't work but they stay anyway because they just can't imagine what it would be like to be independent again. I just can't understand why, if you're so unhappy with another person, what makes you want to stay? You're arguing every other day and giving each other the silent treatment. You call each other insulting names and sometimes you're even unfaithful. Why keep it going? It's logical to remove yourself from a relationship if it's not making you happy anymore. It's also logical to do so if you're just causing the other person pain because of your behaviour. But why do people not do this? Why do they condemn themselves to an age of misery and frustration when all the while it's in their power to get away from it all? You only live once and any time lost being unhappy is time truly lost.
A close friend of mine is in a rather interesting situation. I'm going to be completely honest and say she's been in complicated relationships before. Never has she acted in a way that I would've, which makes things very interesting for me as an observer. My advice is always listened to but never acted upon. This is fair enough. I don't claim to have any sort of experience in the area at all. I play the role of the neutral, un-biased third party that just watches from the sidelines. Anyway, this friend of mine is in an unusual situation. She's had a number of 'boyfriends' before. That what she says but I personally don't count relationships before the age of 17 because you really have no idea what you're really doing and it's not serious. Anyway, she started uni and made new friends like everyone else. She became particularly close to one girl who is a homosexual. Next thing I know, they're an item. I had a brief discussion with my friend about it and she said, 'I still like guys and if I wasn't with **** then I'd probably be with a guy right now.' I found this interesting and kind of amusing at the same time because the media was going crazy about LiLo and her girlfriend at the time. I've always been pretty open and okay with homosexuality so I was like, 'Oh okay then. Cool.' What else can you say as a friend? I was actually just happy that she was happy and I told her so. Over time, rifts began to occur between them. My friend would never talk to me about them until it got bad, which I understand. What fascinated me was that the same problem was happening over and over but my friend just decided to ground her feet and be miserable. It profoundly puzzles me as to why anyone would do this.
The other girl has been accused of being unfaithful and this just makes my friend upset and it happens again and again. They fight then don't talk to each other for x number of days and next thing you know they're back together? I'm not exactly saying that there is anything wrong with doing this but I just can't comprehend why you would go through something so energy consuming and frustrating and sleep depriving that has such a small chance of working out in the end to anyones happiness. I once heard someone in a sad relationship say, 'We're unhappy together but we'd be more unhappy apart.' Something doesn't sit right with that for me. So what, you doom yourself to eternal unhappiness?
I think people get caught up in the idea of love and relationships defining them as a person. This probably applies more to girls than to guys because, despite the development and progress of active feminism, girls are still expected to settle down and start a family. Without this, their lives are often said to have no meaning or point. There is always that fear of feeling unwanted, unloved and starved of affection that everyone else but you seem to receive from other people. No one wants to have that sad label of being a 'spinster.' But I just think that there is so much more to life and so many more components to an individual than just love and relationships.
I'm a strong believer in happiness, as most people are. I believe that it is just as important to be happy right now, in the present, as it is to be happy in ten, twenty years time. There is no point to suffering now to try to achieve a goal long-term that may not even make you happy. Despite saying this, I think it's important to still have challenges and goals in life but just don't get stuck in a situation that has no long-term perspective and that has you feeling sad and depressed all the time.
There are so many things that will ultimately define someone as an individual. We should not allow the pursuit of love and affection rule and direct our lives.
xx.
Friday, October 8, 2010
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Book Review : Never Let Me Go by Ishiguro Kazuo
I bought it only a few days afterwards. I was interstate and had left the book I was earlier reading, The Lord of the Rings, at home, so I began to read 'Never Let Me Go'. Next thing I knew, I was simply immersed in this morphed contemporary England that Kazuo had created. I would like to point out now that there may be spoilers ahead so please stop reading now if you don't want the story ruined for you.
The story is narrated by Kathy and is a collection of her memories from childhood, school and life afterwards. She was a student at Hailsham, a fictional boarding school. Or so it seems. When you start reading, you think that it is a fairly regular school. Then the narrator starts to mention things that seem slightly odd, even though she doesn't consider it so herself. For example, the children there spend most of their learning time focusing on creativity such as painting, poetry and sculpture. It takes only a short time to learn all the new terms used in this fictional world, such as 'donations', 'completion', 'sales' and 'gallery.' Underlying this school environment is the twist that ultimately defines it: the students are clones and have been raised only to later donate their organs when needed til they die. It's so hard to explain how Kazuo has managed to turn this rather commonly used idea into something so brilliant. The story is not about these students wanting to run away from the school or their future, as some would expect. They seem to just accept their fate with little struggle or, at very least, they do not resort to drastic actions to try to change their fate.
It is such a difficult task to describe this book without wanting to write out the whole thing. I'm still not quite sure what it is exactly that makes me love this book so much. And there are few books that I claim to 'love.' Yes, it explores the fragility of life and human emotions. I think there's a particular emphasis on the natural need to feel loved and important. To some extent the book questions what defines us as humans. It is not one of those novels that come up with one-liners every now and again that make you stop reading to think about what has been written. It is more so that feeling amplified when you finish reading the entire thing. You realise you've gone on a very special journey and it makes you question a lot of things.
The characters are wonderfully drawn. I felt like I really knew them inside-out by the time I finished reading. I started to feel extremely attached to them. Even now I feel that.
I read a few reviews before writing this one and many complained that Kathy was too emotionless, but wasn't that the point? I think that having a narrator that couldn't experience what she should've been feeling was a key part to novel. I felt like I was going through the emotions that she was missing. Throughout the whole thing, you do not really feel that Kathy is different from your average human being. Actually, you don't really feel that about any of the characters. But it's not till the last few pages that you truly see how 'unhuman' they are in terms of natural emotions. It definitely left a strange sort of hollow feeling inside me.
Overall, I definitely recommend this book. As I said earlier I'm not quite too sure why I like it so much but I really do. All I know is that I could write about it for days on end and still wouldn't be bored of doing so. I have a feeling it's one of those books you'll either love to death or passionately dislike so take a chance and read it. I'm certainly glad I did. :)
xx.
Monday, October 4, 2010
first day tiredness.
hi everyone!
here's my long promised and late arriving entry! i've just been really busy lately. actually, it's because i've trying to cut down the amount of hours i spend wasting my life away in front of a computer. so, here i am, with an hour break to write for a while. this post is to purely update on what i've been upto.
it's the first day back after mid-sem break, 2 hours in and i'm already feeling exhausted. i learnt about selectively bred corn crops this morning. yes. that's right. corn.
i came back from newcastle on saturday night and booked tickets yesterday to go back up next week. my brother really has his hands full with the kids so everyone agreed for me to go stay with him for a few days.
i'm reading a wonderful book at the moment called 'Never Let Me Go' by Ishiguro Kazuo. it's really quite wonderful. i'll post a review of it here when i finish it. i'm trying not to read it so fast because i want it to last longer but alas, i find myself with only dozen or so pages left.
oh, i got my exam timetable this morning. i was so annoyed about it. i only have two exams this semester and they've gone and scheduled them two weeks apart. i don't want my exam period dragging out for a whole two weeks!! i basically have my first one on the first day of the exam period then my second a few days before the end of the exam period. i hate it when that happens.
i'm trying to get myself back into study mode. it's about a month till the end of semester. i'd say it's a good time to start seriously revising/studying/learning. i hope i can find enough will power to stick to it.
i thought i'd be awesome today and wear tights with my docs. my feet hurt. :(
anyway, i hope you're all well. i'll post again soon!
xx.
Come home, black sheep. Come home. - Black Sheep, Metric. LOVE THIS SONG TO PIECES!
here's my long promised and late arriving entry! i've just been really busy lately. actually, it's because i've trying to cut down the amount of hours i spend wasting my life away in front of a computer. so, here i am, with an hour break to write for a while. this post is to purely update on what i've been upto.
it's the first day back after mid-sem break, 2 hours in and i'm already feeling exhausted. i learnt about selectively bred corn crops this morning. yes. that's right. corn.
i came back from newcastle on saturday night and booked tickets yesterday to go back up next week. my brother really has his hands full with the kids so everyone agreed for me to go stay with him for a few days.
i'm reading a wonderful book at the moment called 'Never Let Me Go' by Ishiguro Kazuo. it's really quite wonderful. i'll post a review of it here when i finish it. i'm trying not to read it so fast because i want it to last longer but alas, i find myself with only dozen or so pages left.
oh, i got my exam timetable this morning. i was so annoyed about it. i only have two exams this semester and they've gone and scheduled them two weeks apart. i don't want my exam period dragging out for a whole two weeks!! i basically have my first one on the first day of the exam period then my second a few days before the end of the exam period. i hate it when that happens.
i'm trying to get myself back into study mode. it's about a month till the end of semester. i'd say it's a good time to start seriously revising/studying/learning. i hope i can find enough will power to stick to it.
i thought i'd be awesome today and wear tights with my docs. my feet hurt. :(
anyway, i hope you're all well. i'll post again soon!
xx.
Come home, black sheep. Come home. - Black Sheep, Metric. LOVE THIS SONG TO PIECES!
Friday, October 1, 2010
Déversement d'un Esprit Débordant
hello all!
i'm so sorry that i've been such a poor correspondent lately. i've just been caught up in a few things and still in newcastle. the weather has been amazing!
this is just a super super short entry to announce that the blog has undergone yet another minor change. it has been renamed 'Déversement d'un Esprit Débordant', which i believe is French for 'Spillage of an Overflowing Mind'. it just better suits what this page is all about. i hope you like it! the URL has changed to that as well. oh, and a reminder to feel free to comment on any posts. please no hateful comments though! i will read them all and reply. :)
but yes, terribly sorry for being such an awful blogger lately. i promise i'll get back to it very soon!
xx.
i'm so sorry that i've been such a poor correspondent lately. i've just been caught up in a few things and still in newcastle. the weather has been amazing!
this is just a super super short entry to announce that the blog has undergone yet another minor change. it has been renamed 'Déversement d'un Esprit Débordant', which i believe is French for 'Spillage of an Overflowing Mind'. it just better suits what this page is all about. i hope you like it! the URL has changed to that as well. oh, and a reminder to feel free to comment on any posts. please no hateful comments though! i will read them all and reply. :)
but yes, terribly sorry for being such an awful blogger lately. i promise i'll get back to it very soon!
xx.
Friday, September 24, 2010
Late Night Melodies #1
Welcome to 'Late Night Melodies', a new segment on this blog where I just have a splurge on whatever music I happen to be liking at that moment. It will probably take place weekly and usually during the unfriendly hours of the morning when most people would be sleeping. But this is the first entry. I hope you'll like it! :)
LNM #1
For Me This Is Heaven - Jimmy Eat World
I've loved this song for a while now. It's surprising, seeing as though it comes from one of the Jimmy albums that I never really admired very much. This song just makes my heart beat and feel in the strangest way... It contains so much hope within such cyclic barriers, like you're hoping for the better while knowing that your world will never really change. It's about first times and last times, about waiting for something more and not being able to do anything to change it. It's about reminiscing, waiting for the transient joy to inevitably pass but the importance of experiencing anything close to happiness and fulfilment that you can come by. Live in the moment seeing as though you'll never be able to experience it again. To find a song so well crafted musically and emotionally is rare these days. It's achingly bittersweet but maybe that's why I'm so drawn to it. 'Can you still feel the butterflies?'
grrr!
i finally got around to writing an entry! actually, i'm writing it now because there's no point in trying to study. it's 12:49am. i've been saying since 1pm that i'd get some work done and, predictably, i haven't touched a single piece. i'm extremely annoyed at myself but there's not much that i can do now. my day is gone. :(
i hope everyone has been well though! :)
i'm currently on mid-sem break, already a week in, and i'll be visiting my brother for a week from saturday.
nothing else has been happening... same old really.
so i've been staring at the screen for a few minutes now, wondering what on earth i should write about. here's what i'll do. i am going to write about something i like and something that i dislike. just to be different. kinda. not really. BUT I'M GOING TO DO IT ANYWAY! :D
I DISLIKE IT WHEN: people get angry at you because you don't like 'like' them the way they like you.
that has to be one of the most frustrating things ever. it's not my fault that i don't see you in the same way! i'd still very much like to be your friend but i don't want to be anything more than that. not at the moment anyway. they'll start bombarding you with text messages and get all pissy when you don't reply to one. then, one day, you just become 'the devil'. all of a sudden, asking 'how are you?' just becomes taboo. your friendly gestures are ignored and despised. what ever happened to being my friend? THANKS A LOT.
I LIKE IT WHEN: i wake up in the morning with a good song in my head.
you just know that you're going to have a good day when you wake up with an awesome song already implanted in your head. inception much? but really, you do. i woke up last week sometime with 'Bootilicious' in my head and i just KNEW i was going to have a fab day. and i did. *nods to confirm* :D
OHHHH! i finally remembered what i wanted to do to this blog! i was recently inspired by William Beckett (of TAI fame)'s blog that had a weekly music segment called 'Saturday Night Music Club'. and i thought i'd do the same thing because i love my music! i have also been contemplating doing a similar thing for fashion observations as i've recently become rather interested in it. so i'll end this post soon and write the first music one straight afterwards. i hope you'll like it! :)
and sorry this entry was so dry and all over the place! i'm heading into uni tomorrow to do an assessment thingo-ma-bob and that's kind of bothering me. :S
have a lovely day! xx.
i hope everyone has been well though! :)
i'm currently on mid-sem break, already a week in, and i'll be visiting my brother for a week from saturday.
nothing else has been happening... same old really.
so i've been staring at the screen for a few minutes now, wondering what on earth i should write about. here's what i'll do. i am going to write about something i like and something that i dislike. just to be different. kinda. not really. BUT I'M GOING TO DO IT ANYWAY! :D
I DISLIKE IT WHEN: people get angry at you because you don't like 'like' them the way they like you.
that has to be one of the most frustrating things ever. it's not my fault that i don't see you in the same way! i'd still very much like to be your friend but i don't want to be anything more than that. not at the moment anyway. they'll start bombarding you with text messages and get all pissy when you don't reply to one. then, one day, you just become 'the devil'. all of a sudden, asking 'how are you?' just becomes taboo. your friendly gestures are ignored and despised. what ever happened to being my friend? THANKS A LOT.
I LIKE IT WHEN: i wake up in the morning with a good song in my head.
you just know that you're going to have a good day when you wake up with an awesome song already implanted in your head. inception much? but really, you do. i woke up last week sometime with 'Bootilicious' in my head and i just KNEW i was going to have a fab day. and i did. *nods to confirm* :D
OHHHH! i finally remembered what i wanted to do to this blog! i was recently inspired by William Beckett (of TAI fame)'s blog that had a weekly music segment called 'Saturday Night Music Club'. and i thought i'd do the same thing because i love my music! i have also been contemplating doing a similar thing for fashion observations as i've recently become rather interested in it. so i'll end this post soon and write the first music one straight afterwards. i hope you'll like it! :)
and sorry this entry was so dry and all over the place! i'm heading into uni tomorrow to do an assessment thingo-ma-bob and that's kind of bothering me. :S
have a lovely day! xx.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
retro sunnies
i found these old sunnies belonging to my mum in a random drawer at home. they're so awesome. can't wait till summer to wear them! :)
i'll write a proper post soon! xx.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
peek-a-boo
Hi everyone!
My friend mentioned to me today that I haven't written here in a little while so I thought I'd throw something quickly together now. :)
I hope everyone has been well!
I once heard someone say that you should never stop being fascinated by the world that surrounds you. Questions should always be asked because when you stop, you also stop growing and learning. It's easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of life. Nature is drowned out by the sound of cars beeping and trucks revving. It is forgotten as we rush to where we need to be without paying attention to much more than the bare footpath that we tred upon. Aestheticism is often overlooked as a source of pleasure. Keats would be turning in his grave.
It was raining all day yesterday. I had spent most of the day running through it to various classes and silently cursing the weather. At the conclusion of my day, I was waiting patiently to cross the road and looked up at the sky. It really had to be one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen... and it was just rain falling. Nothing special or out of the ordinary. It was just rain falling in the light of a streetlamp but it really was quite beautiful. People passing by probably thought I was insane for looking upwards in weather like that but I just couldn't help it. A thought struck me: I'd never seen this before. I was surprised at my myself. Of all the thousands of times that it had rained in my life, I had never thought to look up.
It's always surprising to discover new things. I often find that you only need to change something very small (e.g. look upwards), to see something in a whole new way.
xx.
I need light in the dark as I search for the resolution. - The Resolution, by Jack's Mannequin
My friend mentioned to me today that I haven't written here in a little while so I thought I'd throw something quickly together now. :)
I hope everyone has been well!
I once heard someone say that you should never stop being fascinated by the world that surrounds you. Questions should always be asked because when you stop, you also stop growing and learning. It's easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of life. Nature is drowned out by the sound of cars beeping and trucks revving. It is forgotten as we rush to where we need to be without paying attention to much more than the bare footpath that we tred upon. Aestheticism is often overlooked as a source of pleasure. Keats would be turning in his grave.
It was raining all day yesterday. I had spent most of the day running through it to various classes and silently cursing the weather. At the conclusion of my day, I was waiting patiently to cross the road and looked up at the sky. It really had to be one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen... and it was just rain falling. Nothing special or out of the ordinary. It was just rain falling in the light of a streetlamp but it really was quite beautiful. People passing by probably thought I was insane for looking upwards in weather like that but I just couldn't help it. A thought struck me: I'd never seen this before. I was surprised at my myself. Of all the thousands of times that it had rained in my life, I had never thought to look up.
It's always surprising to discover new things. I often find that you only need to change something very small (e.g. look upwards), to see something in a whole new way.
xx.
I need light in the dark as I search for the resolution. - The Resolution, by Jack's Mannequin
Monday, August 23, 2010
the concept of friends.
hi everyone!
the weather's really pretty today. i hope everyone is out there making the best of it! :)
this post is about the concept of friends. i know i talk about it a lot but i had a somewhat unusual experience on saturday that sparked this entry. it was my friends birthday gathering on saturday night. i usually don't do the whole bar/lounge/club thing but she's a rather good friend of mine so my friend and i thought we'd go, even if it was just for a little bit. we didn't get to the place till 11pm because the traffic was really awful... gps said 6 minutes to go but then it actually took us over half an hour! anyway, by the time we got there, i suspected that the birthday girl had already had a decent amount of alcohol to drink at her house before coming out. in the spirit of things, people were buying her drinks (and so were we!) because she still looked and talked as though she was fine. it wasn't until she fell over on the dance area that we decided she should probably stop drinking and sit down for a while. another friend suggested that we take her upstairs because it'd be less noisy. so altogether, 5 of us went up. a security guard came over and said that the birthday girl had to leave because she was too drunk. as we were exiting, one of the friends disappeared. i thought that was odd. so it was just myself, my friend, the birthday girl and one of her other friends forcing her to walk down the street. this was followed by the usual (i'm told) events that occur when a person is heavily intoxicated.
what struck me about the whole situation is that none of her close friends were with her or looking out for her. once we headed upstairs, i have no idea where everyone else was. the one close friend that came up with us magically disappeared when we left the lounge. what ever happened to looking out for friends? making sure they're alright? and if they're not, staying with them until they are? what's the point of having friends when they're not even there when being a friend actually means something?
i'm obviously not saying that you use your friends but i think when you're with a friend then you kind of have the innate responsibility to look after each other. of course you don't purposely do stupid things knowing that others will look after you, but when it just happens... i mean, really. what on earth are people thinking these days?
xx.
the weather's really pretty today. i hope everyone is out there making the best of it! :)
this post is about the concept of friends. i know i talk about it a lot but i had a somewhat unusual experience on saturday that sparked this entry. it was my friends birthday gathering on saturday night. i usually don't do the whole bar/lounge/club thing but she's a rather good friend of mine so my friend and i thought we'd go, even if it was just for a little bit. we didn't get to the place till 11pm because the traffic was really awful... gps said 6 minutes to go but then it actually took us over half an hour! anyway, by the time we got there, i suspected that the birthday girl had already had a decent amount of alcohol to drink at her house before coming out. in the spirit of things, people were buying her drinks (and so were we!) because she still looked and talked as though she was fine. it wasn't until she fell over on the dance area that we decided she should probably stop drinking and sit down for a while. another friend suggested that we take her upstairs because it'd be less noisy. so altogether, 5 of us went up. a security guard came over and said that the birthday girl had to leave because she was too drunk. as we were exiting, one of the friends disappeared. i thought that was odd. so it was just myself, my friend, the birthday girl and one of her other friends forcing her to walk down the street. this was followed by the usual (i'm told) events that occur when a person is heavily intoxicated.
what struck me about the whole situation is that none of her close friends were with her or looking out for her. once we headed upstairs, i have no idea where everyone else was. the one close friend that came up with us magically disappeared when we left the lounge. what ever happened to looking out for friends? making sure they're alright? and if they're not, staying with them until they are? what's the point of having friends when they're not even there when being a friend actually means something?
i'm obviously not saying that you use your friends but i think when you're with a friend then you kind of have the innate responsibility to look after each other. of course you don't purposely do stupid things knowing that others will look after you, but when it just happens... i mean, really. what on earth are people thinking these days?
xx.
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Media Effects
I hope everyone is well. I'm just sitting in my study trying to complete an essay for uni. It's about media effects. To what extent do you think media influences the way we think? Does it distort the way we view the world? Do we become so absorbed in it that eventually it's all we know about the world?
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
BLOG REVAMP!
Hi everyone! I hope you're all well!
I'm my usual procrastination, I thought I'd update the look of the blog as well as the address. I'm now here, at cupcakespolkadotsandlife.blogspot.com
The whole layout was very quickly thrown together but i hope you like it! :)
I will write a proper entry soon. xx.
I'm my usual procrastination, I thought I'd update the look of the blog as well as the address. I'm now here, at cupcakespolkadotsandlife.blogspot.com
The whole layout was very quickly thrown together but i hope you like it! :)
I will write a proper entry soon. xx.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
you make me feel like...
i'm living a teenage dream.
♥ Katy Perry. Majorly sad that I'm not going to her concert tonight. *FROWN*
i hope everyone survived the cold weather and winds today! i was quite thankful for only having 2 hours of uni today. :)
the inspiration i talked of yesterday is pretty much gone. LOL. yeah, it's like that. nothing really hangs around for a long time when it comes to me. except this terrible sickness at the moment. my throat hurts so much! it feels like someone trying to shove a whole orange down my throat every time i cough, which is much too often. i hope i didn't infect anyone today! ><
this is just a quick entry because i noticed that i'd gotten slack with the posts.
can't wait till summer to get back into shorts and thongs. :)
--------------------------
okay i'm just a little ticked off at the moment. i would really like it if people would stop trying to push me academically. yes, i know i don't hit the high level that i used to. it just turns out that i'm not the academic type. i don't get some sort of fulfilment from getting good marks or sacrificing heaps of my time on something i don't like so that i can get a number out of 10 at the end of the day. i worked my arse off for two years and realised it amounted to a number at the end that no one even cared about. can i do it for another 7 years? i think not.
i don't plan on being a millionaire later on in life. i'm sure i'll be able to achieve whatever it is that i want to achieve without large sums of money. most of the population do it, don't they? and i think i'm old enough to see when i need to pick up the slack. all i've ever had is schoolwork. i think i'd know if i'm about to fail and when to ask for help.
please stop trying to lock me up at home in an attempt to make me 'study'. i really don't work like that. the more time i know that i have, the more i'll just procrastinate. it's just who i've become. it was never meant to happen. but you just hit a point, you know?
i don't know if i'll ever come out of this slump.
♥ Katy Perry. Majorly sad that I'm not going to her concert tonight. *FROWN*
i hope everyone survived the cold weather and winds today! i was quite thankful for only having 2 hours of uni today. :)
the inspiration i talked of yesterday is pretty much gone. LOL. yeah, it's like that. nothing really hangs around for a long time when it comes to me. except this terrible sickness at the moment. my throat hurts so much! it feels like someone trying to shove a whole orange down my throat every time i cough, which is much too often. i hope i didn't infect anyone today! ><
this is just a quick entry because i noticed that i'd gotten slack with the posts.
can't wait till summer to get back into shorts and thongs. :)
--------------------------
okay i'm just a little ticked off at the moment. i would really like it if people would stop trying to push me academically. yes, i know i don't hit the high level that i used to. it just turns out that i'm not the academic type. i don't get some sort of fulfilment from getting good marks or sacrificing heaps of my time on something i don't like so that i can get a number out of 10 at the end of the day. i worked my arse off for two years and realised it amounted to a number at the end that no one even cared about. can i do it for another 7 years? i think not.
i don't plan on being a millionaire later on in life. i'm sure i'll be able to achieve whatever it is that i want to achieve without large sums of money. most of the population do it, don't they? and i think i'm old enough to see when i need to pick up the slack. all i've ever had is schoolwork. i think i'd know if i'm about to fail and when to ask for help.
please stop trying to lock me up at home in an attempt to make me 'study'. i really don't work like that. the more time i know that i have, the more i'll just procrastinate. it's just who i've become. it was never meant to happen. but you just hit a point, you know?
i don't know if i'll ever come out of this slump.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
... and there was light.
hi everyone!
i hope you're all well! :D
i've been rather sick the last few days but managed to crawl out of bed this morning for a full day of uni, 10-5 with no break. despite being terribly long, it didn't feel that way because all my classes were good so i guess i'm pretty happy with that. i feel so tired and ill right now though... and i probably won't get home til 7ish. it's 5:38pm and i'm sitting in the biomed library, waiting for my brother to finish catching up with his friend and take me home! sigh.
i felt compelled to write about a small revelation a had less than an hour ago and, seeing as though i don't really feel like studying, this seemed like a good time to do it.
i just finished a three hour seminar on developments in biotechnology (2-5). i didn't really know what to expect from it but i ended up finding it really interesting. we had three speakers and it was the last one that really struck me. he does research at the university and is currently in the process of developing and testing a vaccine that could potentially eradicate a parasite that's killing large numbers of people in under-developed countries. it was really sad to hear how the project could've been at it's current point 10 years ago if it had received enough funding from companies. these large companies won't invest money into something that won't generate profit. i think that's just so terribly sad. (just had a coughing fit that has probably spread my sickness through this whole floor of people. awesome.) only putting in if you know you're going to get something greater out of it. and that something always, ALWAYS has to be money. so this professor that came to talk to us has been working on this project for 20 years and is finally testing it overseas. i think that's amazing. and all of a sudden everything that i stood for a few years ago came rushing back and everything that i'm doing now just makes sense.
my subjects all link together in the right way and i feel like i'm meant to be in this position. i always believed that you're where you are for a reason but now i feel like it's really true. biotech has re-exposed me to what kind of materialistic world we live in... it was something that i was so passionate about changing a few years ago. pharm gives me the background i need if this is what i want to do. human rights has been plummeting into me how unjust and misfunctioning the world is. mps is like a background subject, telling me how we've all become so absorbed in the lives of celebrities and politicians that we forget their policies and more important world issues.
it's like i've found inspiration all over again. i even went and borrowed the biotech textbook for the night. (y)
i don't know how long this inspiration will last for but it does feel nice to have it back again even if only for a little while. :)
so here's my crazy plan: ... actually, i don't want you to know my crazy plan just yet. you can wait.
yes i'm still coughing like a madwoman. sigh.
two birthdays this weekend. i don't know if i'll feel well enough to go. and i'm really behind on all my summaries too. :( but i've only got two hours tomorrow, finish at 11 so hopefully i can just go home and study... or rest if needed.
anyways, i need to go meet my brother. shall write again soon. xx.
I've never felt so lost. I've never felt so much at home. Please write my folks and throw away my keys. - I Woke Up in a Car by Something Corporate
i hope you're all well! :D
i've been rather sick the last few days but managed to crawl out of bed this morning for a full day of uni, 10-5 with no break. despite being terribly long, it didn't feel that way because all my classes were good so i guess i'm pretty happy with that. i feel so tired and ill right now though... and i probably won't get home til 7ish. it's 5:38pm and i'm sitting in the biomed library, waiting for my brother to finish catching up with his friend and take me home! sigh.
i felt compelled to write about a small revelation a had less than an hour ago and, seeing as though i don't really feel like studying, this seemed like a good time to do it.
i just finished a three hour seminar on developments in biotechnology (2-5). i didn't really know what to expect from it but i ended up finding it really interesting. we had three speakers and it was the last one that really struck me. he does research at the university and is currently in the process of developing and testing a vaccine that could potentially eradicate a parasite that's killing large numbers of people in under-developed countries. it was really sad to hear how the project could've been at it's current point 10 years ago if it had received enough funding from companies. these large companies won't invest money into something that won't generate profit. i think that's just so terribly sad. (just had a coughing fit that has probably spread my sickness through this whole floor of people. awesome.) only putting in if you know you're going to get something greater out of it. and that something always, ALWAYS has to be money. so this professor that came to talk to us has been working on this project for 20 years and is finally testing it overseas. i think that's amazing. and all of a sudden everything that i stood for a few years ago came rushing back and everything that i'm doing now just makes sense.
my subjects all link together in the right way and i feel like i'm meant to be in this position. i always believed that you're where you are for a reason but now i feel like it's really true. biotech has re-exposed me to what kind of materialistic world we live in... it was something that i was so passionate about changing a few years ago. pharm gives me the background i need if this is what i want to do. human rights has been plummeting into me how unjust and misfunctioning the world is. mps is like a background subject, telling me how we've all become so absorbed in the lives of celebrities and politicians that we forget their policies and more important world issues.
it's like i've found inspiration all over again. i even went and borrowed the biotech textbook for the night. (y)
i don't know how long this inspiration will last for but it does feel nice to have it back again even if only for a little while. :)
so here's my crazy plan: ... actually, i don't want you to know my crazy plan just yet. you can wait.
yes i'm still coughing like a madwoman. sigh.
two birthdays this weekend. i don't know if i'll feel well enough to go. and i'm really behind on all my summaries too. :( but i've only got two hours tomorrow, finish at 11 so hopefully i can just go home and study... or rest if needed.
anyways, i need to go meet my brother. shall write again soon. xx.
I've never felt so lost. I've never felt so much at home. Please write my folks and throw away my keys. - I Woke Up in a Car by Something Corporate
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
pitter patter
hi everyone!
it sure has been awhile! i've just been a bit busy lately... came back from interstate on saturday night and am enjoying my first few days back at uni. today was a surprisingly good day. started with a pharmacology lecture then tutes for human rights and media politics. the school day rounded off nicely with a human rights lecture. i'm contemplating on switching out of pharmacology because i really don't think i'll like it, but then again i guess it's good to challenge yourself. i like all my other subjects so far though! :)
nothing much has been happening lately. i've been lying low. the only subject that i know people in is pharm so i spend most lectures sitting on my own. but that's okay. i learn better this way. there's still a bit of catching up to do for the first week back that i missed but only a bit. actually, it's something like 3 pharm lectures which really isn't that bad.
i caught up with some friends from st john's the other night. even though most couldn't make it, it was still nice to spend time with the ones that came. bao and i then had a rather enjoyable train ride home lip-syncing to random songs on the ipod.
with that last full stop it suddenly hit me that, for the first time in a long time, i feel pretty content with life at the moment. i guess i'm just moving on from the bitterness. or it could be from the lovely (but quite pricey, so much so that i felt really guilty after ordering) lunch i had just before at sweet source. or maybe it was the short hike back to uni through the light rain. or the fact that i'm sitting on my own writing this in the bailieu. or the fact that i might enjoy the subjects i'm doing this semester. i don't know. but i feel okay... like everything's going to be alright. :)
i came across a wonderful piece of inspiration the other day: 'Being challenged in life is inevitable. Being defeated is optional.' i thought this was so good that it's now the quote on my whiteboard at home.
random addition: i sat next to guy to smelt like maccas cheeseburgers during my rights lecture before. it was weird and strangely pleasant at the same time.
anyway, i better get some study done. i hope everyone is well! xx.
I got some troubles, but they won't last. I'm gonna lay right down here in the grass and pretty soon all my troubles will pass 'cause I'm in Sugar Town. - Sugar Town performed by Zooey Deschanel
it sure has been awhile! i've just been a bit busy lately... came back from interstate on saturday night and am enjoying my first few days back at uni. today was a surprisingly good day. started with a pharmacology lecture then tutes for human rights and media politics. the school day rounded off nicely with a human rights lecture. i'm contemplating on switching out of pharmacology because i really don't think i'll like it, but then again i guess it's good to challenge yourself. i like all my other subjects so far though! :)
nothing much has been happening lately. i've been lying low. the only subject that i know people in is pharm so i spend most lectures sitting on my own. but that's okay. i learn better this way. there's still a bit of catching up to do for the first week back that i missed but only a bit. actually, it's something like 3 pharm lectures which really isn't that bad.
i caught up with some friends from st john's the other night. even though most couldn't make it, it was still nice to spend time with the ones that came. bao and i then had a rather enjoyable train ride home lip-syncing to random songs on the ipod.
with that last full stop it suddenly hit me that, for the first time in a long time, i feel pretty content with life at the moment. i guess i'm just moving on from the bitterness. or it could be from the lovely (but quite pricey, so much so that i felt really guilty after ordering) lunch i had just before at sweet source. or maybe it was the short hike back to uni through the light rain. or the fact that i'm sitting on my own writing this in the bailieu. or the fact that i might enjoy the subjects i'm doing this semester. i don't know. but i feel okay... like everything's going to be alright. :)
i came across a wonderful piece of inspiration the other day: 'Being challenged in life is inevitable. Being defeated is optional.' i thought this was so good that it's now the quote on my whiteboard at home.
random addition: i sat next to guy to smelt like maccas cheeseburgers during my rights lecture before. it was weird and strangely pleasant at the same time.
anyway, i better get some study done. i hope everyone is well! xx.
I got some troubles, but they won't last. I'm gonna lay right down here in the grass and pretty soon all my troubles will pass 'cause I'm in Sugar Town. - Sugar Town performed by Zooey Deschanel
Friday, July 16, 2010
we need more monkeys!
hello dear readers!
i'm currently writing from Newcastle, my home for the next 2.5 weeks, so this will just be a short entry.
Weather was just lovely today so we went to the park. It's a good 5-6 degrees warmer up here than in Melbourne. My niece and nephew's brand new gumboots came home all muddy! :D
I felt the need to express gratitude and affection to those people in general that just always make the effort with me. I know I'm not the easiest person in the world to understand. I truly am grateful for those that not only put up with me but take the extra step in trying to maintain a relationship regardless of what the circumstances may be. Some people just can't be bothered these days or pretend to get close just because they want something. There's only a handful of you out there whose friendship actually means something to me so I feel so privileged to know you guys will always be there. Many, many thanks! You should know who you are. :)
I do strive to be as independent as possible. Things happen over time to make you realise that just because you have all these people who talk to you doesn't mean that they always care about you. You get to a point where you depend on them so much. When you finally realise them for what and who they are, you immediately try to escape. Then you just feel so alone and lost. I don't know where I'd be without a few special people. Special shout-out to k. nguyen! Even though she doesn't know this blog is here.
I'm eternally in debt to those few people I know that I can always rely on. Thanks so much! ♥
I hope everyone is well! I'll write again soon!
xx.
When your head is in a certain place... Nobody around to make you safe. Stand strong and you will grow. - Wait Til You See My Smile by Alicia Keys
i'm currently writing from Newcastle, my home for the next 2.5 weeks, so this will just be a short entry.
Weather was just lovely today so we went to the park. It's a good 5-6 degrees warmer up here than in Melbourne. My niece and nephew's brand new gumboots came home all muddy! :D
I felt the need to express gratitude and affection to those people in general that just always make the effort with me. I know I'm not the easiest person in the world to understand. I truly am grateful for those that not only put up with me but take the extra step in trying to maintain a relationship regardless of what the circumstances may be. Some people just can't be bothered these days or pretend to get close just because they want something. There's only a handful of you out there whose friendship actually means something to me so I feel so privileged to know you guys will always be there. Many, many thanks! You should know who you are. :)
I do strive to be as independent as possible. Things happen over time to make you realise that just because you have all these people who talk to you doesn't mean that they always care about you. You get to a point where you depend on them so much. When you finally realise them for what and who they are, you immediately try to escape. Then you just feel so alone and lost. I don't know where I'd be without a few special people. Special shout-out to k. nguyen! Even though she doesn't know this blog is here.
I'm eternally in debt to those few people I know that I can always rely on. Thanks so much! ♥
I hope everyone is well! I'll write again soon!
xx.
When your head is in a certain place... Nobody around to make you safe. Stand strong and you will grow. - Wait Til You See My Smile by Alicia Keys
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
belated taylor swift fever.
VAMOS ESPANA!! :D
Hi everyone!
Yes, as you can tell, I'm extremely happy that Spain won the Cup; they totally deserved it! I was even happier when I heard Thomas Mueller of Germany won Golden Boot and Young Player of the Tournament! Recipients of the awards were most deserving of them. :D And so, my football fever returns to its dormant state till the next World Cup but it really has been an amazing month! :)
Holidays have been a bit different. An aunty from overseas has been staying over and another aunt's kids have been coming over a lot too so it's not the usual quiet break that I'm used to. I had my first quiet day today which was really lovely. My room is looking pretty clean so I'm pretty happy about that too. Cleaning the study is on the agenda for tomorrow. :)
Anyway, I just had the sudden urge to listen to 'You Belong With Me' by Taylor Swift. As much as I believe Taylor Swift to be completely overrated and in much need of a sandwich, this song puts a smile on my face. Yes, I know it's not a happy song but I think it's definitely relatable. There must be so many people out there, girls and guys inclusive, that have gone through that awful period where you know you have absolutely no chance with someone because you're competing with people who look a certain way or are more 'popular'. The scenario always has the same recipe. Let's use the girl formula. Girl meets boy. He's perfect. They have everything in common. She believes that she has a chance. Next thing she knows, he's going out with some other girl who is so much more attractive/cool/popular/rich/etc. than she is. It's the same sort of situation as the Katy Perry song I mentioned a couple of blogs ago. That damned 'sibling' status. I think 90% of girls I know have complained to me about being in this situation.
I think it's so wrong that people think they have to change how they look to bring attention to their personality.
I would elaborate but I'm getting sleepy. Electric blanket awesomeness. :D So I'll leave you with the video of the song along with a few lines of lyrics. Actually, I'll leave most of the lyrics. They tell a great story. :)
I hope everyone is well. :)
xx.
You're on the phone with your girlfriend,
She's upset.
She's going off about something that you said,
'Cause she doesn't get your humor like I do.
I'm in the room,
It's a typical Tuesday night,
I'm listening to the kind of music she doesn't like,
She'll never know your story like I do...
But she wears short skirts,
I wear t-shirts,
She's cheer captain and I'm on the bleachers,
Dreaming about the day when you wake up and find,
That what you're looking for has been here the whole time...
Walking the streets with you and your worn out jeans,
I can't help thinking, 'This is how it ought to be...'
Laughing on a park bench,
Thinking to myself, 'Hey, isn't this easy?'
And you've got a smile that could light up this whole town,
I haven't seen it in awhile since she brought you down,
You say you're fine,
I know you better than that,
Hey, what you doing with a girl like that?
If you could see that I'm the one who understands you,
Been here all along so why can't you see,
You belong with me.
Standing by and waiting at your backdoor,
All this time, how could you not know?
You belong with me.
Oh, I remember you driving to my house in the middle of the night,
I'm the one who makes you laugh when you know you're about to cry,
And I know your favorite songs,
And you tell me about your dreams,
Think I know where you belong...
Think I know it's with me.
Can't you see that I'm the one who understands you,
Been here all along so why can't you see,
You belong with me.
Have you ever thought, just maybe,
You belong with me?
You Belong With Me by Taylor Swift
Hi everyone!
Yes, as you can tell, I'm extremely happy that Spain won the Cup; they totally deserved it! I was even happier when I heard Thomas Mueller of Germany won Golden Boot and Young Player of the Tournament! Recipients of the awards were most deserving of them. :D And so, my football fever returns to its dormant state till the next World Cup but it really has been an amazing month! :)
Holidays have been a bit different. An aunty from overseas has been staying over and another aunt's kids have been coming over a lot too so it's not the usual quiet break that I'm used to. I had my first quiet day today which was really lovely. My room is looking pretty clean so I'm pretty happy about that too. Cleaning the study is on the agenda for tomorrow. :)
Anyway, I just had the sudden urge to listen to 'You Belong With Me' by Taylor Swift. As much as I believe Taylor Swift to be completely overrated and in much need of a sandwich, this song puts a smile on my face. Yes, I know it's not a happy song but I think it's definitely relatable. There must be so many people out there, girls and guys inclusive, that have gone through that awful period where you know you have absolutely no chance with someone because you're competing with people who look a certain way or are more 'popular'. The scenario always has the same recipe. Let's use the girl formula. Girl meets boy. He's perfect. They have everything in common. She believes that she has a chance. Next thing she knows, he's going out with some other girl who is so much more attractive/cool/popular/rich/etc. than she is. It's the same sort of situation as the Katy Perry song I mentioned a couple of blogs ago. That damned 'sibling' status. I think 90% of girls I know have complained to me about being in this situation.
I think it's so wrong that people think they have to change how they look to bring attention to their personality.
I would elaborate but I'm getting sleepy. Electric blanket awesomeness. :D So I'll leave you with the video of the song along with a few lines of lyrics. Actually, I'll leave most of the lyrics. They tell a great story. :)
I hope everyone is well. :)
xx.
You're on the phone with your girlfriend,
She's upset.
She's going off about something that you said,
'Cause she doesn't get your humor like I do.
I'm in the room,
It's a typical Tuesday night,
I'm listening to the kind of music she doesn't like,
She'll never know your story like I do...
But she wears short skirts,
I wear t-shirts,
She's cheer captain and I'm on the bleachers,
Dreaming about the day when you wake up and find,
That what you're looking for has been here the whole time...
Walking the streets with you and your worn out jeans,
I can't help thinking, 'This is how it ought to be...'
Laughing on a park bench,
Thinking to myself, 'Hey, isn't this easy?'
And you've got a smile that could light up this whole town,
I haven't seen it in awhile since she brought you down,
You say you're fine,
I know you better than that,
Hey, what you doing with a girl like that?
If you could see that I'm the one who understands you,
Been here all along so why can't you see,
You belong with me.
Standing by and waiting at your backdoor,
All this time, how could you not know?
You belong with me.
Oh, I remember you driving to my house in the middle of the night,
I'm the one who makes you laugh when you know you're about to cry,
And I know your favorite songs,
And you tell me about your dreams,
Think I know where you belong...
Think I know it's with me.
Can't you see that I'm the one who understands you,
Been here all along so why can't you see,
You belong with me.
Have you ever thought, just maybe,
You belong with me?
You Belong With Me by Taylor Swift
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
won't you get some air in this room?
Hi everyone!
I hope all is well and those of you on break from school are making the most of absent early mornings and late nights studying. I really did think that, because holidays have started, I'd blog much more often but really its sort of been the same. There's been a fair amount of stuff on my mind lately so over the next few days it'll probably all come rolling out on here.
First off, today has been frustrating due to an acquaintance who just can't get the hint that they're the most moody and mentally-straining person I've ever met in my life. I just feel like saying: 'Maybe if you just chill out and stop thinking about things so much then you won't be upset and angry at something every other day. Stop getting angry at people for no reason. It's silly.'
Extremely frustrating.
But do you know what?
I'm very much over chasing the good-opinion of those whose opinion don't amount to much anyway.
If people are nice to me then I'm nice to them. if you're mean to me then don't expect me to be nice to you. I won't necessarily be mean but I definitely won't make too much of an effort with you. Don't talk to me? Then I won't talk to you. Simple, really.
I had dinner the other night with some girls from high school and I couldn't help but observe how people change so easily. Or maybe they were always like that but I couldn't see it. There's only one person from high school that I keep regular contact with and consider still as one of my closest friends. My year12 self would probably be surprised. We were always close but towards the final years there were others that I was much closer to. When I randomly bump into these other girls, it's like they don't want to talk. Personal jokes and memories that we used to laugh about are barely remembered or acknowledged with a less than convincing 'oh yeah... haha...' It's funny how things change. It's funny when you realise who were really your friends and who just went along with it because they happened to be there. I know it's been 18 months but for some reason I struggle to let go. Sentimental much?
On a lighter note, I got a lovely new white bookcase for my room! It's square and made up of 16 smaller squares. I got a red box and small door along with some red drawers to go into a few of the squares. It was a shame that I only bought one box... I realised earlier today that I probably need another two. Sigh. But it looks really nice! I'll have to start cleaning up all my stuff soon... Definitely before I head up to Newcastle.
Spending time with K. Nguyen tomorrow (Wednesday; technically today). Even though I just saw her Monday night. I really don't know what I'd do without her. :)
Yes, I'm writing this post at this completely ridiculous hour because my sleep pattern has been messed up.
Uruguay vs. Netherlands in less than 1.5 hours. It's logical to stay up but then it's not...?
I should really add pictures to my posts... Give a bit more feeling to it. Next time. :)
Anyway, I'll post again very soon!
xx.
Nobody's singing about you anymore. You thought you heard it? Well, you must've heard wrong. - As You Cry by the Hush Sound
I hope all is well and those of you on break from school are making the most of absent early mornings and late nights studying. I really did think that, because holidays have started, I'd blog much more often but really its sort of been the same. There's been a fair amount of stuff on my mind lately so over the next few days it'll probably all come rolling out on here.
First off, today has been frustrating due to an acquaintance who just can't get the hint that they're the most moody and mentally-straining person I've ever met in my life. I just feel like saying: 'Maybe if you just chill out and stop thinking about things so much then you won't be upset and angry at something every other day. Stop getting angry at people for no reason. It's silly.'
Extremely frustrating.
But do you know what?
I'm very much over chasing the good-opinion of those whose opinion don't amount to much anyway.
If people are nice to me then I'm nice to them. if you're mean to me then don't expect me to be nice to you. I won't necessarily be mean but I definitely won't make too much of an effort with you. Don't talk to me? Then I won't talk to you. Simple, really.
I had dinner the other night with some girls from high school and I couldn't help but observe how people change so easily. Or maybe they were always like that but I couldn't see it. There's only one person from high school that I keep regular contact with and consider still as one of my closest friends. My year12 self would probably be surprised. We were always close but towards the final years there were others that I was much closer to. When I randomly bump into these other girls, it's like they don't want to talk. Personal jokes and memories that we used to laugh about are barely remembered or acknowledged with a less than convincing 'oh yeah... haha...' It's funny how things change. It's funny when you realise who were really your friends and who just went along with it because they happened to be there. I know it's been 18 months but for some reason I struggle to let go. Sentimental much?
On a lighter note, I got a lovely new white bookcase for my room! It's square and made up of 16 smaller squares. I got a red box and small door along with some red drawers to go into a few of the squares. It was a shame that I only bought one box... I realised earlier today that I probably need another two. Sigh. But it looks really nice! I'll have to start cleaning up all my stuff soon... Definitely before I head up to Newcastle.
Spending time with K. Nguyen tomorrow (Wednesday; technically today). Even though I just saw her Monday night. I really don't know what I'd do without her. :)
Yes, I'm writing this post at this completely ridiculous hour because my sleep pattern has been messed up.
Uruguay vs. Netherlands in less than 1.5 hours. It's logical to stay up but then it's not...?
I should really add pictures to my posts... Give a bit more feeling to it. Next time. :)
Anyway, I'll post again very soon!
xx.
Nobody's singing about you anymore. You thought you heard it? Well, you must've heard wrong. - As You Cry by the Hush Sound
Friday, July 2, 2010
Sentimental Heart
Cried all night 'til there was nothing more,
What use am I as a heap on the floor?
Human Devotion but it's just no good,
Taking it hard just like you know I would.
Old habits die hard when you got, when you got a sentimental heart.
Piece of the puzzle, you're my missing part
Oh, what can you do with a sentimental heart?
Sentimental Heart - She & Him
Hi everyone!
I hope all is well even though the sky is gloomy outside. I'm slightly depressed yet amused at the same time... Just passed my Witches subject. I knew I wasn't going to do great on it but I don't know what I could've done to that last essay to make it any better and that just frustrates me. I know I did the best that I could've done at that time but it puzzles me wondering about what I did wrong. Oh well, at least I passed! I'll just have to work on raising my average next semester. Major sigh but :) at the same time.
I've been listening to 'She & Him' non-stop over the last 24 hours. It's really addictive. I've become a softie in my old age. I love the light indie folk sound at the moment. It's almost therapeutic. 'She & Him' is fronted by Zooey Deschanel the actress, who I think is one of the prettiest people in the world. She's just so cute! The music is just the same. Incredibly cute and pretty... I fell asleep to it last night. :D
I've been kept inside all holidays because my small cousins keep coming over. It gets a bit irritating, really. Ahh, great. My cousin's hacking away at my lolly jar for her kids. Her kids, the most hyperactive kids I've ever known. Whoo. =="
Last night I found out that I'm meant to go back to uni on July 26. I'm in Newcastle till the 31st. I swear I read somewhere that I didn't go back till the beginning of August. Sigh.
I feel even more withdrawn now that I'm at home with no uni. Sometimes I don't really feel like talking to anyone and other days I feel like I really need someone to talk to. It gets confusing. I don't really know what I'm doing anymore. I don't even know who I am and that's the biggest problem of all. Am I listening to this music because I actually like it or because people have told me that I should like it? Do I really enjoy reading or have I tricked myself into believing that I do? I don't know anymore.
Yes, this was pessimistic-me writing this post.
I need to buy new shoes.
xx.
Monday, June 28, 2010
One of the boys.
Hi everyone!
I hope everyone is absolutely terrific! Exams are finally over and the sun is shining despite the wind and clouds. Yes, I'm in an optimistic mood today even though I've got an awful thumping headache at the moment. I think my body's been suppressing pain sensors till exams are over because my back, shoulder and neck pain has amplified by 3-fold over the last two days. It's quite painful trying to get out of bed in the morning. This entry will be fairly long because I haven't written anything proper on here for a little while. :)
My current obsession: Katy Perry. I have no idea how it came about but I've been listening to her debut album (which is quite old now but i'm always a bit behind the times) and it's quite good. I know she's been marketed as, well, one of those girls but some of the songs she didn't release are on a very different level from those that she's best known for. I have nothing against 'I Kissed a Girl'. At first I thought, 'society has hit a new low...' but now I kind of feel like it's a good thing for that kind of theme to be exposed. There's nothing wrong with homosexuality or bisexuality and it's being accepted much more freely these days compared to a decade ago. But let's not talk about that now. :)
There are some really good songs on the album, like 'One Of The Boys' and 'Mannequin.' I think I liked the title song because it was something that I could kind of relate to. It's just about how a girl likes a guy but he considers her as one of his guy mates as opposed to a girl. So she decides to become more girly and finds herself at the center of every guys' attention, in which case he'll just have to take a spot in line like everyone else. I can relate to the first part. There's been many a time where I feel like a should just become insanely girly to get the attention of some guy but I could never bring myself to do it. It may be the Disney approach to life but the right person for me should just accept me as I am. Initially anyway. I'm sure we all change a little bit to adapt to the people around us and they do the same for us. I just don't want to become someone I never wanted to be.
I finally managed to watch the entirety of '500 Days of Summer.' It was my third attempt. Yes, I'm awesome, I know. I think you have to be in the right mindset to watch a movie like that. It was just coincidence that some friends of mine have recently come out of relationships and can't seem to let go. I just love Summer's character. Again, probably because I can relate to how she feels. She states her situation in the movie and it was like, summing up how I feel about relationships in a few words:
"I like being on my own. I think relationships are messy and people’s feelings get hurt. Who needs it? We’re young, we live in one of the most beautiful cities in the world; might as well have fun while we can and save the serious stuff for later."
Perfect.
It's very true. Or it's true with my perspective. One day, I'll probably find the 'right' person and all this will go out the window but, for now, this is how I feel about it. I don't go around looking for something that might not be there. If it's meant to find me then it will, whether I'm looking for it or not. I refuse to be pressured into it. I'd like to think that one day I'll just wake up and just know. However, life is 90% fate and 10% choice. Fate only takes you a certain distance and you have to do the rest. In a way, your choice is apart of fate so you could argue that life is 100% fate. Choice really could be nothing, you'd never know what could've happened if you had chosen something else because it's really just not possible to know. I think it's a waste to focus so much of your energy chasing this person or that person. There should only be a select few that ever enter your real world.
I've said it in one of my previous blogs. I have no idea what it feels like to really like anyone anymore. I just can't remember. It's been so long. Sure, I'll have random moments every few months where I think that I like someone but I don't. It's very frustrating. Probably more so for the other person because I'll seem really keen one day and wake up completely disinterested the next. People do get hurt and that doesn't make the impulse worth acting upon. Of course, you can't stay guarded forever but I want to be able to carefully choose who I want to play a part in my life. The process is long and painful.
But life really is too short... and if you can't be happy right now, then when can you? Screw all the misery and complication. You generally create it for yourself. Never over-think. Take a moment at a time. Every moment has something to smile about, you just have to open your mind to it. Run wild, be happy, laugh and giggle. Moments of pain are created in your head. If it's created in there, it can be destroyed in there too.
Don't force things to happen. Go with the flow and you'll end up exactly where you're meant to be.
xx.
The first star I see may not be a star. I can't do a thing but wait so let's wait for one more... - For Me This Is Heaven by Jimmy Eat World. One of my all-time favourite songs.
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